Here’s a list of some of the awesome, great shit I’ve done that no one’s noticed. In particular, the Nobel Prize Committee hasn’t noticed these things, at least not publicly, because they are prejudiced against me for my demanding a Nobel Prize from them. They are bastards for this, and I will continue to point out how nasty they are until they either give me my award or kill me. I won’t shut up otherwise. Well, that’s not true. If they gave me like, 7 million Euros, I’d shut up, but until then, I won’t. Here’s the list. I do hope you enjoy being awed by the great shit I’ve done.
1.) I visited Ancient Rome and no one cared. I was told it wasn’t there anymore. Really? I took a picture of it from the airplane I was on that PROVES it’s there!!! Can you spell, C O V E R U P?
Pic Of Ancient Rome From My Cell Phone
2.) I named myself Holy Roman Emperor but got my ass kicked when I charged the Vatican with a rubber sword demanding the Pope recognize me as such. Why? Am I not pretty enough? CONSPIRACY!!!!!
Me As Holy Roman Emperor
3.) I met the aliens who built the Pyramids and got piss drunk with them one night in Valparaiso, Indiana. I even took pictures, and yet no one believes me. Assholes. They can deny all they want, but I KNOW the truth!!!!!
Bob, Ted, And Sally: Pyramid Builders
4.) I discovered the Higgs boson, like 30 years ago, but did anyone believe me? NO! They waited to give credit to other people just to piss me off! Bastards! Fucking bastards!!!!!
Higgs Boson Discovered By Me
5.) I’ve become a Sheikh named Pontificatius, the Unshaven, yet Muslims threaten to kill me whenever I demand they blindly follow whatever I say. Bastards!!!
Sheikh Pontificatius, The Unshaven
That’s it for now folks. I’ll report later on more of the injustices I’ve suffered, and still suffer, at the hands of the bastards on the Nobel Prize Committee for being the great person I am. They are SOOOOO jealous of me. Imperious Rex!
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
something ought to be done about the Nobel Prize committee and their failure to recognize the talent that you are.
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I’m glad you agree. You’re a wise man.
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Thank you Sheikh!
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Praise Allah, my son. All my love always, with a cherry on top, Sheikh Pontificatius, the Unshaven.
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I notice!
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Thank you my son. You are saved. Love, Sheikh Pontificatius, the Unshaven.
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The world seems brighter today! And it’s not because i had an eye op yesterday 🙂
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Remember: For every single non-veiled woman you and a group of 50 or more masculine burly men stone to death, you’ll receive 2, yes 2, beautiful virgins to treat as whores upon your arrival into heaven. Love, Sheikh Pontificatius, the Unshaven.
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I turn beer into water almost every day! Not only at weddings …
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Yeah, but is it COLD water? Now that’d be somethin’! Thanks for reading.
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I can do that, but it’s not free!
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As well it shouldn’t be, as I’m sure there’s a tad bit of discomfort involved. I tried it once, but keeping my bladder “on ice,” if you will, overnight was just awful. Couldn’t do it. But something tells me you just could. 😀
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The miracle of modern technology surpasses all of the Abrahamic faith miracles!
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Yes indeed. The real vs the made up.
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I think you need to inform AboveTopSecret.com of all your activities immediately. They can help spread the word about all these injustices 😉
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I will. Thanks for the tip. 🙂
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The title alone got me reading – a fine hook. As Woody Allen once put it, ‘I can levitate birds yet no one cares.’ ‘Twas a good read Sir.
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He’s a brilliant guy. Thanks for reading.
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Didn’t you once turn water into wine and then back into water?
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Right. I forgot about that. I’ll have to add it to the next post I do on this. Thanks 4 reminding me.
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