Sheikh Pontificatius, The Unshaven

Greetings to my American brothers and veiled sisters in Islam. I am here to review the new “Planet of the Apes” movie, “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes”, which opens this Friday. Let me start off by saying, as far as I could tell, the movie has no one in it named Dawn, and not once is Allah mentioned or referred to in it. That’s never a good thing. Also, the human and ape females in the movie are not veiled. Thus, I was forced to stone the projectionist of the film to death before I could finish viewing it and I’ve no idea how good or bad it is. Once the film is re-shot, with the females in it properly covered, I will attempt to review it again. Until then, praise be to Allah, and his prophet Mohammad. They love you. Lots, and lots, and lots.