Awesome Shit I’ve Done That No One’s Noticed

greatnessHere’s a list of some of the awesome, great shit I’ve done that no one’s noticed. In particular, the Nobel Prize Committee hasn’t noticed these things, at least not publicly, because they are prejudiced against me for my demanding a Nobel Prize from them. They are bastards for this, and I will continue to point out how nasty they are until they either give me my award or kill me. I won’t shut up otherwise. Well, that’s not true. If they gave me like, 7 million Euros, I’d shut up, but until then, I won’t. Here’s the list. I do hope you enjoy being awed by the great shit I’ve done.

1.) I visited Ancient Rome and no one cared. I was told it wasn’t there anymore. Really? I took a picture of it from the airplane I was on that PROVES it’s there!!! Can you spell, C O V E R  U P?

Pic Of Ancient Rome From My Cell Phone

Pic Of Ancient Rome From My Cell Phone

2.) I named myself Holy Roman Emperor but got my ass kicked when I charged the Vatican with a rubber sword demanding the Pope recognize me as such. Why? Am I not pretty enough? CONSPIRACY!!!!!

Me As Holy Roman Emperor

Me As Holy Roman Emperor

3.) I met the aliens who built the Pyramids and got piss drunk with them one night in Valparaiso, Indiana. I even took pictures, and yet no one believes me. Assholes. They can deny all they want, but I KNOW the truth!!!!!

Bob, Ted, And Sally: Pyramid Builders

Bob, Ted, And Sally: Pyramid Builders

4.) I discovered the Higgs boson, like 30 years ago, but did anyone believe me? NO! They waited to give credit to other people just to piss me off! Bastards! Fucking bastards!!!!!

I Discovered The Higgs Boson

Higgs Boson Discovered By Me

5.) I’ve become a Sheikh named Pontificatius, the Unshaven, yet Muslims threaten to kill me whenever I demand they blindly follow whatever I say. Bastards!!!

Sheikh Pontificatius, The Unshaven

Sheikh Pontificatius, The Unshaven

That’s it for now folks. I’ll report later on more of the injustices I’ve suffered, and still suffer, at the hands of the bastards on the Nobel Prize Committee for being the great person I am. They are SOOOOO jealous of me. Imperious Rex!

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20 thoughts on “Awesome Shit I’ve Done That No One’s Noticed

  1. something ought to be done about the Nobel Prize committee and their failure to recognize the talent that you are.

    Like

  2. I turn beer into water almost every day! Not only at weddings …

    Like

  3. I think you need to inform AboveTopSecret.com of all your activities immediately. They can help spread the word about all these injustices 😉

    Like

  4. The title alone got me reading – a fine hook. As Woody Allen once put it, ‘I can levitate birds yet no one cares.’ ‘Twas a good read Sir.

    Like

  5. Didn’t you once turn water into wine and then back into water?

    Like

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