Dick Clark announced today from Heaven that all twelve of Jesus’ Apostles will be reuniting as a boy band sensation called,”Ten Plus Two Gives You Twelve, Baby, Baby.” Clark will manage the group and handle the difficult job of promoting the twelve, two thousand-year old men as “boys” to a target audience consisting entirely of adolescent girls.
“Yeah,” said Mr. Clark, “this isn’t going to be easy. Some of these fellas have been wearing the same clothes since the second century and haven’t shaved or showered since before that. But I’ve got eternity on my hands with not much to do, so I’m going to make this happen one way or another. On the plus side, however, is the fact these boys can REALLY SING! I mean it bloody brings tears to my eyes every time I hear a Justin Bieber tune come out of their mouths.
You’d swear every angel up here in Heaven was singing along with them. Fucking beautiful!” Mr. Clark said he hopes to have the group performing at Jewish and Lutheran sock hops as early as next month and at Catholic and Pagan dances by the first of July.