Tag Archives: angels

12.07.14
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Blind Faith

blind faith

On a dark street, on a Saturday night, a boy plays with a ball. In the blackness he sees a light that soon illuminates his entire being.

“Greetings, Billy.”

“Who are you, Light?”

“An Angel, Billy. I’ve come to make you a hero…an idol to millions.”

“But I’m just an average boy. Wadda want me for?”

“Because, Billy, I want to make you a star…a .398 hitter with a 98 mph fastball and perfect control.”

“Wow! Really!?”

“Yes, Billy. Trust me and your name will live forever in the annals of baseball history.”

“Man! That sounds SOOO cool…but my Mom says never ta talk ta strangers…and anyways, I’m kinda late fer dinner and I really gotta….”

“Listen, William! …Listen to the crowd! It’s the bottom of the ninth, two out, bases loaded with a three,two count..a home run wins The World Series. Listen to them, William!… 55,000 people are chanting YOUR name…. Billeee..Billeee, Billeee! Can’t you hear them, William!? They love you!”

“Yeah! Yeah! I hear ’em!”

“Trust me, Billy, and it’s all yours. Here, Billy, take my hand, and I’ll give it to you.”

“Boy…all those people…Shouting MY name!…Man…O.K. Angel, here’s my hand…give it to me!”

On a dark street, on a Saturday night, a boy is blinded by the light of an oncoming auto, and struck dead.

03.23.14
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Dick Clark To Manage Apostles In Hot New Boy Band

Dick Clark announced today from Heaven that all twelve of Jesus’ Apostles will be reuniting as a boy band sensation called,”Ten Plus Two Gives You Twelve, Baby, Baby.” Clark will manage the group and handle the difficult job of promoting the twelve, two thousand-year old men as “boys” to a target audience consisting entirely of adolescent girls.

Dick Clark, Wadda Ya Thinkin' ?

Dick Clark, Wadda Ya Thinkin’ ?

“Yeah,” said Mr. Clark, “this isn’t going to be easy. Some of these fellas have been wearing the same clothes since the second century and haven’t shaved or showered since before that. But I’ve got eternity on my hands with not much to do, so I’m going to make this happen one way or another. On the plus side, however, is the fact these boys can REALLY SING! I mean it bloody brings tears to my eyes every time I hear a Justin Bieber tune come out of their mouths.

But Can They Sing Harmony?

But Can They  Harmonize?

You’d swear every angel up here in Heaven was singing along with them. Fucking beautiful!” Mr. Clark said he hopes to have the group performing at Jewish and Lutheran sock hops as early as next month and at Catholic and Pagan dances by the first of July.