Velcro Is To Roswell As Bullshit Is To…..?

Don’t know how this amazing piece of well-known, undeniable proof has eluded me all these years, but, apparently, we would not have Velcro today had aliens not crashed landed a space ship in the Mexican desert in the 1950’s. That’s what a Faith-filled alien conspiracy believer shouted at me yesterday when I told him I did not see any conceivable reason to believe such an event happened.

 Proof The Government Is Hiding A Crashed Alien Space Craft

Proof The Government Is Hiding A Crashed Alien Space Craft

And I mean SHOUTED at me, as if I’d questioned his manhood or some other deeply sensitive thing. “What about fuckin’ Velcro, mother fucker?! Explain that shit, you shit head!” I also didn’t realize that by not believing in alien space craft crash conspiracies I was a “mother fucker” and a “shit head.” Live and learn, I guess. There are two words that come into my mind lately whenever I’m told about U.S. grand scheme cover-up conspiracies: Edward Snowden. You remember him don’t you, the NSA entry-level worker who blew the whistle on the illegal internet spying the U.S. does on its own citizens? That Edward Snowden. It amazes me how so many believe the “Government” to be so omnipotent and God-like that it can hide an alien space craft in the New Mexican desert for 70 years and murder 3000 innocent people on 9/11 without a single piece of credible evidence to these Earth changing events ever being produced by anyone, ever, and, at the same time, be so oafish as to let Snowden do what he did. Because believe me, the NSA did NOT want Snowden doing what he did and then, worse yet, rubbing their faces in it by running to Russia for protection and becoming Putin’s personal bitch. Velcro. Velcro is the fucking selling point for these idiots. Mother fucking Velcro. I’m convinced, that if an alien species did come here, they’d turn tail and run. We are a stupid lot, collectively speaking. I would fly off right now myself, except, last time I checked, Velcro did not work well as a warp drive for inter galactic space travel.

A Nobel Prize Worthy Opinion On Conspiracy Theories

conspiracy wahck jobsDedicated followers of conspiracy theories expect me to believe that the American government is so powerful and omnipotent it secretly murdered 3000 innocent people on 9/11 and has kept hidden, for 50 plus years, the greatest discovery in the annuals of human history, space ships and aliens from another world. I’m also expected to believe that the U.S. government is so omnipotent it has been able to prevent all those involved with these massive cover ups from ever publicly stating, “Hey, I know who placed the explosives on the infrastructures of the Trade Center buildings!” or “Hey, I’m having diner tonight with the advanced alien species we keep hidden in the desert. Stop by and meet them.” It’s absolutely unbelievable to me, given the diarrhea-like nature of the human mouth and its incessant craving to blab about even the smallest thing, that the American government has been able to do this. This is one reason I do not take conspiracy theories seriously. The recent case of Edward Snowden is another.

Why couldn’t the omnipotent U.S. government stop Snowden from doing what he did? Why? Really, the same all-powerful government, that miraculously keeps everyone involved in the murder of 3000 people silent and keeps space aliens hidden in the fucking desert, can’t prevent a low-level NSA employee from yapping to the press about illegal internet and phone spying? Absolutely absurd.

Edward Snowden worked for the NSA, the one fucking department the U.S. government MUST have covered for leaks if it really does have aliens hidden away and it really did murder 3000 people on 9/11. But it didn’t, did it? No. Osama bin Laden killed those people on 9/11. And any alien species that has figured out a way to transverse the cosmos and come here is NOT hanging out in a fucking U.S. Army bunker in the New Mexican desert. It’s idiotic and asinine to believe such a thing. Just like it is idiotic and asinine to believe in conspiracy theories that bestow god-like abilities on organizations made up of mere mortals.