Recipes From The Atheist Cookbook

I’ve written a cookbook for atheists because I decided we godless, cannibal bastards needed one. To help promote it, I’ve decided to share a few recipes from it. Try ’em. They are guaranteed DELICIOUS!

1.) Christian Infant Tartare: Just catch yourself one fresh Christian infant; flay it; soak it overnight in olive oil and garlic; carve off a nice chunk of arm or breast meat; chop into fine bits; salt lightly, and wa la! Christian infant tartare is yours to enjoy! Oh. One thing: Make sure you cut off all the skin BEFORE you salt the meat. For some reason, salt makes the skin bubble, and, if that happens, you may lose your appetite and toss out a meal you’d surely otherwise have enjoyed.

Evangelical Christian Baby Tartare. Remember: Trim Away ALL The  Baby Fat

Christian Infant Tartare. Remember: Trim Away ALL The Skin Before Salting

2.) Muslim Meatballs: Catch and chop up a Muslim or two; cut off a chunk or two of thigh; grind into a fine meat paste; add garlic, salt, parsley powder, a touch of oregano, and round into balls; cook in olive oil at 350 degrees for an hour; toss into your favorite pasta sauce and boil for another hour, and your meatballs are ready to serve. I’ve found that Al Qaeda meat tastes best, though I’m not sure why.

Muslim Meatballs. 2nd From Bottom Was An Al Qaeda Member

Muslim Meatballs. Second From The Bottom Is From An Al Qaeda Member

3.) Mormon Jello: This one’s easy. Catch a Mormon and slice him into thin pieces of meat; fry them in a pan with, you guessed it, garlic and olive oil; mix up a batch of clear Jello; place the cooked meat into the Jello mix; stir; refrigerate til set, and serve.

Jewish Jello:

The Red Mormon Meat Shows Nicely Through The Clear Jello

4.) Lutheran Frosted Lemon Cake: You’ll need the skin from a Lutheran or two for this. Catch the Lutherans; flay them; mash the skin into a syrupy paste after first washing it clean of blood; add sugar, and refrigerate over night; bake your favorite lemon cake; frost with the Lutheran skin paste and serve. FYI, this is a great dessert to serve after a hearty meal of Christian baby tartare. Yummy.

 Lemon Cake With Frosting Made From The Skin Of Lutherans

Lemon Cake With Frosting Made From The Skin Of Lutherans

5.) Catholic Priest Pedophile Rapist Stew: This is my favorite dish as savoring the flesh of pedophile rapist Catholic priests never fails to lift my spirits high. Get a hold of a pedophile rapist Catholic priest, preferably one who’s been at it awhile and recently caught; slowly flay him alive; very slowly boil his still alert carcass in a vat of olive oil mixed with salt, vinegar, and garlic. The breast meat will fall off in chunks when fully boiled. Cut it into bite size pieces; stir into a pot of vegetable stew; simmer for 45 minutes and serve. Lip smacking good stuff!

A Catholic Priest Pedophile I Ate Last Night

I Finely Chopped This Pedophile Rapist Into A Stew Last Night

Bon appetit, my fellow godless, morally deprived, evil, atheist cannibals!

 

Advertisements

Conspiracy Expert Says Nothing Existed Before Yesterday

The Beginning Of Time

The Beginning Of Time

In a shocking statement made before the U.S. Supreme Court this morning, Conspiracy expert and Catholic priest, Fr.Walter Pedofile, revealed that nothing in the universe existed before yesterday. “Existence began yesterday at 12:01 AM, Central Standard time,” Fr. Pedofile said to the court. “The reason we think things have been around for 13.8 billion years is because God created us with that thought imbedded in us already. But trust me when I say, we are all but one day old. And to make matters even more nebulous, if my calculations are correct, and they always are, nothing will exist after tomorrow either. We came from nothing and we will return to nothing once again, after enjoying but a 72 hour respite. That is the way of the Lord. Ours is not to reason why, but to accept the crazy shit God does. For, in the end, if you really think hard about it, there’s not a bloody thing we can do about it. Hope you all have a great day and enjoy yourselves. It’s the last any of us will ever have.”

God’s Non-Existence No Excuse For Bigotry, Says A-theist

Non-Believe It Or Else, Atheist Mega Church

Non-Believe It Or Else: A-theist Mega Church

A member of the “Non-Believe It Or Else” a-theist Mega Church in Corpus Christi, Texas today said God was a bigot and discriminates horribly against a-theists, even though he does not exist. “God’s non-existence does not excuse his treatment of a-theists,” said Joe Asinine, cannibal and head chef for the “Non-Believe It Or Else” restaurant and grill. “He allows Catholic Priests to rape little boys while the hierarchy of the Catholic Church moves them from one unknowing parish to another, thus allowing the rape to continue; yet, somehow, the Catholic Church, as an institution, has not been held accountable for doing this. Well, we a-theists want the SAME deal for our church leaders that they have! What, did you think JUST because someone’s a leader in an a-theist church they don’t crave the pleasure and power-rush of raping a child just as much as Catholic Priests do? Shit, if the a-theist leaders of a-theist Mega Churches were raping their child members and got caught, Christians would burn them alive for it. They sure as shit wouldn’t show them any special deference. Hell, Christians hate us just because we don’t believe in their particular god (and occasional eat their young). Imagine they’re feelings if we tossed some a-theist-leadership child-rapists into the mix as well, ouch!

Atheist Rapists Want The Same Deference This Priest Rapist Gets

Atheist Rapists Want The Same Deference This Priest Rapist Gets

BIGOTS! They’re fucking BIGOTS! And they’re non-existent god is as bigoted as they are for allowing them the deference to rape kids unheeded by the laws of man, while denying us the same deference simply because we know he isn’t real. This is the non-existent nothingness that is god fucking with our rape-rights to fresh child-meat, and it’s NOT FAIR!!!  Damn it! An a-theist child rapist who wants access to little boy ass, along with freedom from any serious retributions, would have to force himself to fake a belief in Jesus in order to become a rapist Catholic Priest. I truly resent people not granting the a-theist rapist members of my Mega Church the same deference they do Catholic Priest rapists simply because they do not believe in Jesus. This shows just how bigoted god and Christians truly are against a-theists. We can’t even get a break when we rape kids like they do. And that is bullshit, man. Pure and simple.”

Internet Search Engines To Be Used As Weapons Against Pedophile Rapist Priests

In news that is sure to crinkle the panties of every pedophile rapist priest who has ever had his celibate cock in the mouth or anus of a little boy, the internet’s most frequently used search engines will be used to expose and punish not only those priests who have raped little boys, but those who plan to in the future. Citing disgust with religious conservatives and their unending obsession with gay porn as the motivation for this unprecedented act, a representative for one of the most used search engines released the following statement today to the press. ” We have grown tired of the homophobic requests made by conservative religious groups and hate-filled gay obsessed individuals who continually demand that we block words such as homosexual and man on man action from our search parameters. The danger to America’s children does not come from pictures of adult, well-built hunks fucking each other like savage beasts on the internet. It comes from pedophile rapist priests who use their access to little boys and the trust these boys have in them to find tiny orifices in which to deposit their rapist semen. And it comes from the Catholic Church which then hides and supports the crimes of these boy rapists by moving them all over the world into new communities with fresh little boys to rape.

It is not words like homosexual that we will block, but the testicles and cocks of pedophile priest rapists. We have installed advanced tools into our search engines that will enable us to not only find priests who have raped little boys, but those who plan to in the future. Once found, the rapists and rapist wanna be’s will be abducted and taken to a secret location to have their balls removed and their cocks transformed into working vaginas. Once the new vaginas have healed, the new women will be taken to a prison somewhere in the Middle East, tied naked to a bed, then be raped repeatedly both vaginally and anally without interruption until dead. Further more, for every rapist that the Church has hidden, a Cardinal of our choice will be abducted and receive the same punishment as the rapists. The only difference will be in that these rapes will take place in 12 hour increments with a 24 hour break in between in order to prolong the torture for as long as possible. In the best circumstances, the Cardinals will be raped like this for decades.

The decision to do this is final. The crimes against the children of humanity will be avenged. The cock obsessed religious conservatives begging us to rid the world of what it is they most seem to love, gay male porn, have inspired us to rid the world of a true pestilence instead: Catholic priests who rape little boys. And for this, we humbly say, thank you.”