In news that is sure to crinkle the panties of every pedophile rapist priest who has ever had his celibate cock in the mouth or anus of a little boy, the internet’s most frequently used search engines will be used to expose and punish not only those priests who have raped little boys, but those who plan to in the future. Citing disgust with religious conservatives and their unending obsession with gay porn as the motivation for this unprecedented act, a representative for one of the most used search engines released the following statement today to the press. ” We have grown tired of the homophobic requests made by conservative religious groups and hate-filled gay obsessed individuals who continually demand that we block words such as homosexual and man on man action from our search parameters. The danger to America’s children does not come from pictures of adult, well-built hunks fucking each other like savage beasts on the internet. It comes from pedophile rapist priests who use their access to little boys and the trust these boys have in them to find tiny orifices in which to deposit their rapist semen. And it comes from the Catholic Church which then hides and supports the crimes of these boy rapists by moving them all over the world into new communities with fresh little boys to rape.
It is not words like homosexual that we will block, but the testicles and cocks of pedophile priest rapists. We have installed advanced tools into our search engines that will enable us to not only find priests who have raped little boys, but those who plan to in the future. Once found, the rapists and rapist wanna be’s will be abducted and taken to a secret location to have their balls removed and their cocks transformed into working vaginas. Once the new vaginas have healed, the new women will be taken to a prison somewhere in the Middle East, tied naked to a bed, then be raped repeatedly both vaginally and anally without interruption until dead. Further more, for every rapist that the Church has hidden, a Cardinal of our choice will be abducted and receive the same punishment as the rapists. The only difference will be in that these rapes will take place in 12 hour increments with a 24 hour break in between in order to prolong the torture for as long as possible. In the best circumstances, the Cardinals will be raped like this for decades.
The decision to do this is final. The crimes against the children of humanity will be avenged. The cock obsessed religious conservatives begging us to rid the world of what it is they most seem to love, gay male porn, have inspired us to rid the world of a true pestilence instead: Catholic priests who rape little boys. And for this, we humbly say, thank you.”