Sara Tinsel, Christmas Elf
Santa’s Village, North Pole. An elf named Sara Tinsel is claiming Santa has been sexually harassing her and many other elves for years. “It’s terrible,” Ms Tinsel said earlier. “Santa just started rubbing my shoulders late one night as I worked alone in his toy shop about 15 Christmases ago. He said I looked tense and cold and that his big, gloved hands were just the things to loosen and warm me up. He placed his mouth so close to my pointed ears when he said this I could smell the cinnamon on his breath. I asked him to please stop, and, at first, he did. But, then, just this last Christmas, he walked into the toy workshop wearing nothing but his red hat and his black boots while several of us elves were putting together Malibu Barbie play sets. His snowballs were completely in view for all to see. He walked around, checked our work, smiled, and then left without saying a word.
Most of my fellow elves have been afraid to speak out about this because, should we lose our jobs, it would be almost impossible for us to find new ones. Who’s going to hire a bunch of three-foot, pointy-eared elves whose only skills involve toy-making and reindeer care? Not anyone that I can think of. However, I’ve had enough, and I’m reporting this in the hope that Santa becomes SO embarrassed by his actions that he ceases them immediately. I hope it works. He’s a great guy when it comes to giving kids toys, but that does not give him the right to treat us elves as his personal sex kittens. And, if he does not stop, we will be filing a class action sexual harassment suit against him to make him stop. Hope you all find time this season to have a very Merry Christmas and a blessed, harassment free, new year. “
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
In past years children have reported seeing Santa harass their mothers! (Santa claims it was consensual but what woman would consent to having sex with a thousand year ole blimp wearing a ridiculous red suit — though I guess his ride is pretty cool.)
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Apparently Santa employs a drug called “mistletoe”
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Bill Cosby used that, too, or so I hear.
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He might find company with the “leader” of our country.
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And a fine leader we have. 🙂
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I believe I heard on FOX News the rebuttle argument in Santa’s defense. Went like this:
“I did not have harassment relations with Ms. Tinsel because someone stole all of my clothing and left behind my boots and hat. In fact, at the time in question Ms. Tinsel had a huge smile on her face and seemed to laugh, not scream or get uncomfortable. I believe she was describing a solution to MY EAR, not the other way around! Yes, I remember events this way.
Regarding several other elf-ettes that have come forward, I’d have to go back and recount those particular North Pole parties and have my legal team contact you.”
Wait! Did I just copy-n-paste the pat answer by ALL political or corporate male leaders/executives since the beginning of time!? Whoops! 🙄
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Perfectly said! 🙂
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Santa needed to blow off some steam because of the Fox News paranoia about the impending “War on Christmas”!
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Yep. I’m a general in that war. Just tossed rotten eggs at several nativity decorations this morning. 🙂
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Snowballs, hehehe.
Sara can come to Brazil. This place is a wonderland for little people, there’s one on almost every show. I’m not kidding. There’s even a troupe of ninja anão’s (dwarfs) who tear-arse down streets pulling pranks on people for a TV show.
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I love that idea. Nothing as funny as dwarfs fuckin’ with people! 🙂
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Can’t find the ninjas, but here’s a good example
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That’s hilarious! Probably a lot more fun to do than watch, though.
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A lot of that going around these days.
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Too much.
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Even Santa? Oh my. What is this world coming to?
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I know, right.
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“His snowballs were completely in view”
HAHAHA! Uh..hum! clearing my throat here We should really take Santa to task for this and it should not be a laughing matter. I studied law for 2 hours and I feel up to the challenge of handling Sara Tinsel’s sexual harassment suit against that rogue, Santa. I’ll let you know how many francs I can get her in the way of compensation. LOL!
I absolutely adore your wit!
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I thank you greatly. 😀
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I hope they can find a court not run by men who think women should like that kind of treatment. There are some bad men getting judgeships these days. Hugs
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There are also bad men becoming President nowadays. I won’t mention which ones, but you get the idea. 🙂
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Oh yeah. Sort of think the whole country go the point…of the sharp end. 😋😆😄😉😎 Hugs
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