10 Lesser Known Sayings Of Christ

10.)  Always shop on the Wednesday after Thanksgiving, not Black Friday.  There are fewer people shopping then, and all the same sales are still in place.

09.)  I ordered this steak well done.  Take it back and do it right or I’ll turn you into a toad.   Naw, stop shakin’.  I’m just f**kin’ with ya’.

08.)   Yes, I was the one who allowed the Cubs to win the World Series in 2016.

07.)  If anyone spoils the plot to the new Star Wars movie for me before I see it, I’m sending ’em straight to Hell.

06.)   Donald Trump was my Pop’s idea of a mean joke.  I’ve had about enough of it already.  You?

05.)   No matter what you’ve read or where you’ve read it, snakes do not, can not, and never did, talk.

04.)  If your father ever asks you to be crucified so that other people’s sins can be forgiven, tell ’em to go f**k himself.

03.)  Churches would be far holier if they actually paid taxes.

02.)   If anyone sees Lazarus walking about, tell him to pay me the 60 grand he owes me.  What, did you think I brought people back from the dead for free?

01.)   Wish I could tell y’all otherwise, but having lots of money really does make life much easier.

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27 thoughts on “10 Lesser Known Sayings Of Christ

  1. I think Jesus owes Lazarus the 60 grand. He acted the part of being dead so Jesus would look cool and he hasn’t honoured his end of the bargain

    Liked by 2 people

  2. 11) Contrary to what many bible bangers think, I don’t want Alabama or Auburn to win the National Championship.

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  3. Excellent stuff Jeff! However, respectfully 😛 there are actually ONE HUNDRED I say 100 “Lesser Known Sayings of Christ“!!! How and WHY did you only choose these ten??? Did you forget or ignore those other 90 on purpose? Was their something fishy 🐟 about those other 90? Or is this… ummm, your (emphasis on YOUR!) “Canon” of sayings? 😉 😈

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  4. …and I was so damn elated when the Cubbies won the WS. Now I just feel like I need to shower.

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  5. When you have a chance could you document where you found these sayings?This is a terrific addition to Christian education.

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  6. Today’s god fearing, money hungry, sexual assault condoning “Christians” really have found a Christ guy to follow. Too bad the one who was crucified didn’t make it back.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. “Churches would be far holier if they actually paid taxes.”

    Tax the churches! And while we’re at it, make them stay out of politics or close shop!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. #9 and #6 reinforce my belief that god and hay-soose are jerks.

    #4 reminds me of an old classic Cheech & Chong comedy routine about the Japanese near the end of WWII (paraphrased from memory):

    ADMIRAL: The American fleet is massive. In order to defend our Emperor and nation, a new strategy is needed. You are ordered to fly your Mitsubishi A6M “Zero” fighter high over the approaching enemy fleet… and dive straight down into their large aircraft carriers killing you and everyone aboard. Are there any questions?

    [a young kamikaze pilot stands up]

    ADMIRAL: Yes, lieutenant.

    KAMIKAZE PILOT: Honorable admiral-san.. YOU OUTTA YOU FUCKIN’ MIND?!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Did Christ, when hacked off, ever utter the words “Me Almighty!” Just wondered.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Brought a smile to my face! ;o)

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