Christ’s Most Recent Passport Photo
Britishville, England. In a stunning revelation today, Jesus, The Christ, revealed His true appearance to the world. “I should’ve done this centuries ago. White folks have had the silly idea for far too long that I’m a blue-eyed Anglo-Saxon dude. Nothing about that notion makes the least bit of sense,” Jesus said earlier. “White people really worry me sometimes. How many brain cells does it take to realize I could not look like a European white dude because I’m NOT one. I mistakenly assumed white people would figure this out on their own and stop painting pictures of Me looking like I just walked out of an Ingmar Bergman film. Since this apparently is never going to happen, I’ve decided to reveal My true appearance to the world. It’s time for the Anglicizing of My image to end. Amen. Hallelujah. And Praise be to Me!”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
I am a naive newbe, but how do you freeze dry beer. I only ask because it would save so much room in my end of times bunker and I could use it for all the tin foil I need to cover my head and private parts. I know the government wants desperately to have pictures of my private parts, they even sent under cover agents who said they were just on grinder to hook up, ya right. So I must prevent them from getting any dick pics from my end of world bunker. Thanks for any advice you can give, but don’t let the world overlords hear you tell me. Oh and I love your pic of that fellow Jesus, but when did he trim his beard? I thought we had to grow them to our knees. Hugs
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I suggest you buy Martha Stewart’s “End of Times” cookbook to learn how to freeze dry beer. The book also comes with an aluminum dust jacket that is guaranteed to keep gamma rays from penetrating your willy-bit should you decide to make it into underwear. Good luck, and remember, long beards attract mites, so keep ’em short. $Amen$
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Haha.
That looks kinda close to jeebus H. Christ
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Indeed it does. 🙂
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Laughed out loud. Jesus passport picture priceless. But you should have gotten the bulging biceps shot, with the “Born to Die” tattoo. Now that’d be scary.
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Or the “I Love me Mum” ass tattoo. That’d scary folks real good, eh?
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Everything was fine until the Romans invaded France and then France invaded England and England invaded the Americas and found out the Spanish got there first. Then they started all those rumors to mess with the Spaniards who were Catholic. That’s how all this stuff gets started.
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And it won’t end until America invades Canada and stops the oppressive evil that is the Canadian Government! $Amen$
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Bis Himmel kommt It has started! I’ve seen three Canadians with Korean smartphones made in America. You know who is listening now.
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Edward Snowden, and he lives in Russia now. This means Russia and the US have teamed up to destroy Canada, just like Nostradamus and the Book of Revelations predicted. It’s over man! It’s all over!
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Sadly, I’m afraid you are right. I think I’ll go to my bunker now and have some freeze dried pizza and beer. I’ve stored enough to last for months.
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You, my friend, are a very wise man.
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Thank you Devine 1! I watched a lot of black and white TV as a child and it forever colored the way I think 🙂
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Good for you! Most folks round where I live watched, and still watch, only white TV. It colors their world view in a very bad way. 🙂
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But for my restless legs that took me to seven continents and seven colors, I would be a monochromatic soul too. I would never have discovered that beautiful ballerina’s smell like hard ridden horses after the curtain falls regardless of the color of their tutus or the contrast of their skin. This forever changed my perception that things are different if you leave the neighborhood. Now, when the horsemen of the Apocalypse come, I’ll think of ballerinas. What a cruel fate of disappointment that will be. =0
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I’ve heard the horsemen of the Apocalypse are ballerinas. It’s your lucky day. 🙂
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You can’t imagine my relief! Screw the bunker and freeze dried pizza and beer. I’m going to go have some Bourbon and BBQ! Thank you Devine 1. You’ve made my day 🙂
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$Amen$
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Finally! I had often wondered when folks might figure out that Jesus, a Jewish guy, might lean towards being a curly headed, dark eyed, man of some color. As in not white! Certainly wasn’t likely (if he existed at all) that he was a pale skinned, blue eyed, long flowing haired, and sporting a grunge beard.
Gad people are stupid.
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That they are.
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Delusions begat delusions.
Another brilliant post, my friend.
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Thanks, Victoria.
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Ditto.
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Finally! 🙂
Also that link, I know it’s Fox News but…..still!
Unfreakingbelievable
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Fox News is scary because you think they MUST be making this shit up, only they’re not. Scary people.
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Here’s a link to a Fox News anchor story where they reveal Santa and Jesus are both white guys. Hilarious stuff. http://www.eonline.com/news/490290/fox-news-says-santa-is-white-and-so-is-jesus
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