It Isn’t Atheism That Makes Me Eat Infants. It’s The Taste

Though Better Baked, A Live Infant Sandwich On Rye Is Also Quite Tasty

Though Better Baked, A Live Infant Sandwich Can Be Quite Tasty

I actually began cooking and savoring human infants long before I realized I don’t believe in gods any more than I believe keeping Texas in the Union is a reasonable idea.  “Ya ain’t had meat ’til ya had baby meat,” my Pops always told me. And we had plenty of it when I was growing up, too.  Being an atheist does, however, make the kidnapping, boiling alive, and savoring of the meat a lot easier.  There isn’t a hint of guilt in me about it.  The minute I realized there was no god, I raped as many children and old people as I could find, and started eating infants like they were milk from my mother’s teat.  What FREEDOM!!!!   Anyway, if any of my fellow morally depraved, godless readers would like some of my Nobel Prize winning recipes for cooked infant or my outstanding infant tare-tare recipe, let me know. Gotta go eat now. I’m STARVING!

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30 thoughts on “It Isn’t Atheism That Makes Me Eat Infants. It’s The Taste

  1. I started wondering where on earth would you find little babies to eat, then I realised there are a lot of preachers daughters out there!

  2. That’s not irreverent as you promised, that’s “off the fucking scale” irreverent actually…..but in a good way 😉

  3. Finger-licking good!

  4. Was browsing through your site a little, read this, loved it and then I realized this was the first post of you I ever read…still love it;)

  5. You do know you will burn in hell for what you’re doing, right? May god have mercy on your blablabla…
    No, I’m kidding of course…this blog is brilliant! With thanksgiving coming up, do you have any nice recipes to share? I don’t mind turkey, but it tastes too ‘pilgrimmy’ for my liking. You got a nice recipe for native Indian babies? (after all, those pilgrims butchered the Indians (http://randomnessessities.com/2013/11/23/thanksgiving-the-mother-of-all-genocides/), why can’t we?)
    I asked Martha Stewart if she had some nice ideas, but she hasn’t replied yet:S

    • Say, man, thanks a lot. You made my day. Spread the word, my son and save some souls. Oh, stop bitchin’ about the Indians. They got several bottles of good rum, syphilis, and a plethora of bingo parlors for the land we took from them. For Thanksgiving, I recommend you get a huge, human size, iron pot, set it over a fire and fill it with a good cooking oil. Then, catch yourself a feral Tea Party member as he or she is leaving church, and slowly lower them into the boiling oil, starting with the toes first. You may need help with this. Then, put the lid on it, and let boil, still kicking and screaming, for several hours before removing it from the oil to be flayed and carved. Yum.

    • 1.
      You make Hannibal Lecter look like Jamie Oliver.
      2.
      That’s a good thing…This is by far the best Thanksgiving recipe since Columbus ‘discovered’ America (well, the Bahamas, but never mind)…Consider my appetite wetted like the top side of the hoover dam.

      About spreading the word: my blog has its own facebook page, which currently has less than 70 likes (still, more than Michelle Bachmann’s brain cells) and I recently started making an effort out of it. Would it be okay if I link some of your Nobel prize winning work on my facebook page every now and then, of course giving full credit to you and your site?

    • YES! Please do so. And thanks. One of my “tags” is “Bill Maher, Please Hire Me!” It’s done as a sort of joke, but I have a dream (Man, that sounds familiar) that Maher reads my blog and hires me to join his writing team. Then, Miley Cyrus fucks my brains out, and I die smiling!

    • I actually like that dream better than MLK’s…it’s more saucy, has more entertainment value, it features sex and Bill Maher (but luckily not sex with Bill Maher)…way more entertaining that all that stuff about people being equal and everything…
      I’ll start sharing some of your posts on my facebook page every now and then. Will tell Bill Maher about you if I ever meet him;)

    • Thx. I appreciate it. Sent Bill a recipe for Infant tar tar. He hasn’t responded yet.

  6. Basted in honey harvested by Bhutanese virgins and roasted over mahogany coals… Delightful!

  7. Reblogged this on hitchens67 Atheism WOW!! Campaign and commented:
    Love ’em, LOVE ‘EM!!! Tastes like chicken and the bones are still pliable enough to be eaten! These are particularly good with a marinara sauce to cut down on the fat and asparagus makes a great side dish!

  8. I prefer my babies baked.

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