In news today that no one was expecting, Jesus, The Son of God, announced he wants to be an actor. “My Pops recently sold Heaven to Disney, and that’s inspired me to fulfill my eternity’s long dream of becoming an A-list Hollywood and Broadway actor,” The King of Kings said earlier. “Shakespeare and I were talking just the other day about what a kick ass Hamlet I’d make. I mean, who knows more about following in the foot steps of a great father than me, eh? I’ve also been itching to play Javert in “Les Miserables” ever since I was forced to sit through the God-awful singing of Russell Crowe in the movie version that came out on my birthday a few years ago. UGH! I have an amazing singing voice, and babes always swoon when they hear it, so I know I’d knock that part right out of the park!” We here at TACP wish the Son of Man all the best in His new career, and please, Jesus, remember us when you are accepting that first Oscar a few years from now, OK?