Christians the world over were outraged and shocked today when Jesus, The Anointed One, appeared in a deli in Tel Aviv, Israel and said, “I’m Jewish, dammit! I’ve been Jewish my whole existence. My father, mother, brothers and sisters are all, also, Jewish! My wife, Mary, is, you guessed it, Jewish! I go to Temple on the Sabbath to pray. I wear a yamaka AND a prayer shawl, all the time practically. I want these so-called Christians out there, especially the damned anti-Semitic ones, to pay very close attention to this: there is NO Christianity, dammit! I’m a Jew. A proud, happy Jew! I came here to save Jews, not to start a bloody separate religion. Dammit!
Jesus Leaving A Tel Aviv Deli Earlier Today
This buffoon Christians follow, Paul of Damascus, who claimed he had a vision of me, was on mushrooms the day he had it, if he had it at all. When will people learn, you can not believe everything you hear. The more ridiculous something sounds, the more likely it is just that: ridiculous! Dammit! So please, to any putz out there who claims to know me or is doing hateful nonsense in my name, STOP IT, dammit! Now, I’m leaving. My 43rd son’s Bar Mitzvah is tomorrow and I need to get him a gift. Dammit!”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
My good mate, this is so true and is a fact ignored by many believers.
If there was ever a christian, he died on the cross, we only have Paulines.
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True indeed, my friend.
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Every time I’ve seen him he appears to be a kind of ashen colour with red bits on his hands, feet and eyebrows.
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That’s just make up. If you look at his pics using a magnifying glass, it becomes quite obvious.
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So the pope is the head of a Jewish sect?
What was Mohamed’s faith before his conversion to Islam? Was he a Jew?
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According to jewish tradition one is a jew if one’s mother is a jew. Well, the nt is quite clear Jesus mother was jewish, so the conclusion is clear.
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Except to Christians.
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The Pope is the head of a band of little boy rapists and Mohamed was a follower of a dude called, “The Leader” before he invented Islam during an acid trip on a mountain side.
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LOL — true that. Magic mushrooms.
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Yep. Amazing, actually, how much of Christianity is Paul.
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Exactly!
Without Paul (a different gospel) I seriously doubt the cult of Christianity would have survived. The dude gets knocked off his ass by that bolt of lightening you sport around — has delusions of grandeur and voilà.
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Yes indeed.
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Ah, so Christ was not a Christian? Next thing you’re telling me he wasn’t white either!
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He was beige, I think.
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You mean he was a muppet?;)
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I thought he already was one: Animal.
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A simple truism missed by every Christian.
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It’s stunning, isn’t it?
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