09.21.16
by

Things I’ve Finally Realized

realized

1.) I’ve finally realized that the reason I’ve been able to outsmart, outwit, and brilliantly avoid the FBI for the past 35 years is because they’ve not once been looking for me.

2.) I’ve finally realized that the elderly do not like being tied onto the backs of kangaroos in order to “go for a fun ride”.

3.) I’ve finally realized it’s not wise to put newborns into particle accelerators to see if it will speed up their maturation process.

4.) I’ve realized, finally, that no matter how much white out I cover myself in, I’m still very much visible to people when I try to stealthily sneak into women’s locker rooms to have a peek.

5.) Finally, I’ve realized no matter how much gamma radiation I expose myself to, I still won’t turn into The Hulk when angered.

23 thoughts on “Things I’ve Finally Realized”

  1. 1 and 2 I visualised so vividly I’m laughing like crazy. By myself. Alone in the house.

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  2. Re #5

    But did you sort of look a bit like Lou Ferringo?

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  3. I have realized that visiting this blog is good for my mental health. A smile a day keeps the morons away. 😎

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  4. Brilliant realizations.
    How many infants did you put in the particle accelerator to test this?

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  5. The white-out doesn’t work? Damn!

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  6. All good, but # 1 is genius.

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  7. These are great realizations. It makes me want to look back upon my own realizations. Fun stuff. Definitely inspired.

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