The Beginning Of Time
In a shocking statement made before the U.S. Supreme Court this morning, Conspiracy expert and Catholic priest, Fr.Walter Pedofile, revealed that nothing in the universe existed before yesterday. “Existence began yesterday at 12:01 AM, Central Standard time,” Fr. Pedofile said to the court. “The reason we think things have been around for 13.8 billion years is because God created us with that thought imbedded in us already. But trust me when I say, we are all but one day old. And to make matters even more nebulous, if my calculations are correct, and they always are, nothing will exist after tomorrow either. We came from nothing and we will return to nothing once again, after enjoying but a 72 hour respite. That is the way of the Lord. Ours is not to reason why, but to accept the crazy shit God does. For, in the end, if you really think hard about it, there’s not a bloody thing we can do about it. Hope you all have a great day and enjoy yourselves. It’s the last any of us will ever have.”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
“Fr.Walter Pedofile”…so I guess we’ve dispensed with being subtle then, have we?;)
Great post, definitely made my 72 hours on this rock worthwhile!
LikeLike
I deny the allegation that that name isn’t subtle and my order will now remove me to an undisclosed location where I’ll make another such non-subtle name up and you won’t know about it. 😀
LikeLike
You mean I could have had the cheesecake AND the full meal?? And not worry about calories? Damn I should have read this yesterday!
LikeLike
Live and learn. Live and learn.
LikeLike
I was so looking forward to my summer vacation. And what do I do with yesterday’s trash? And does this mean I no longer have to do laundry?
LikeLike
No more trash or laundry. Those are positives!
LikeLike
I got ripped off. If these memories are implanted at least he could have implanted some better ones… fuck
LikeLike
I’ve been hearing that a lot today. But look on the bright side. Today is the last day you’ll have to remember them.
LikeLike
Great, I get the for 24 hours and they suck… nice
LikeLike
That’s God for ya. Always screwing us.
LikeLike
Hey, wait a minute, I thought this was the complaint department?
LikeLike
It is. I’m just an intern taking messages. The boss’ll be back soon.
LikeLike
We’ve been hearing that for 2000 years….. !$%^%#$^^@#$%@#
LikeLike
I’m just the messenger, not the Messiah I’m trying though.
LikeLike
polish that halo, can I recommend 401?
LikeLike
You bet. Polishing as I write, too.
LikeLike
Have a good time too
LikeLike
Drugs, women, beer, swear a lot, mock theists, FUN!!! Naw. Just kidding. Sex. Lots and lots of it too.
LikeLike
That’s really something, especially the sex!
LikeLike
Get to it son! Time’s a-wastin’.
LikeLike
How many hours have we got left?
LikeLike
Til midnight central standard time. Then, nada.
LikeLike
I think I will wait for that time
LikeLike
It was nice knowing you.
LikeLike
Hahahah 🙂
Same here.
LikeLike
😀 BTW, I learned something of great interest about st. Paul the other day. He is hated by Islam and considered a liar and vile. It is his religion Christians follow. He made it up. Jesus was a prophet only and Paul created a religion around. Him. I’ve always known it was Paul who spread Christianity. The trinity idea, and the idea of God’s grace being all we need for heaven were his concepts. I didn’t know how strongly Islam disliked him. I’m reading on it and will post about it. It’s looking like Islam is right about Paul though. He created our concept of Jesus and he never met him.
LikeLike
Oh yes, there was once I wrote a small post that we should call this religion Paulinity for it is Paul they follow.
If Jesus lived, he, as Nietzsche would say was the last christian and he died on the cross. There has been no other since then.
Looking forward to your post
LikeLike
I’ll have to read yours. I always wondered why Islam let Jesus join them as a prophet. It’s Paul’s stuff they hate. I respect Islam for being what it says it is: A true monotheistic faith with specific instructions to kill infidels and make the world all Muslim. Honesty. Friggin’ Catholics made me think Jesus said all the BS they taught and Paul just spread it. Paul was the bloody L. Ron Hubbard of the day. He made up a religion.
LikeLike
Here is the link
http://maasaiboys.wordpress.com/2014/01/26/there-are-no-christians/
Whoever compiled the Quran was astute. Leave out what you don’t like and claim it for revelation.
LikeLike
Thanks. I’m eager to read it.
LikeLike
Sorry you eminence, but I just caught you in flagrantum delicti, adding you own words to his holiness’ own revelation! Proof: “crazy shit” CANNOT proceed from the sanctified mind of such a holy representative of the most holy vicars of Cheesus!
Now confess, say 1000 Hail Tom & Jerry, and thou shall be shaved!
LikeLike
I’ll get right on it. Time’s short.
LikeLike
Ego te absolvo!
LikeLike
Imperious Rex!
LikeLike
Tex mex, amen!
LikeLike
Bacon shaken! Back at ya!
LikeLike
Bursts into song:
“You make me feel so young……..”
LikeLike
“Yesterday, all the universe was made that day. Oh, yesterday, the universe, came suddenly! Oh, how I long that it would stay, Yesterday!”
LikeLike
Blasphemy!
Hahahaha
LikeLike
That’s from the Gospel of Paul and John.
LikeLike
Mmm, in that case, i think i’ll take my dogs our for an extra special, extra long walk
LikeLike
Good idea. Oh, if you see St. Paul on your walk, tell him Al Qaeda’s looking for him. They want to torture him for being the lie spreading bastard he is.
LikeLike
Good news here. There is no past, I have no future. Think I’ll buy a bag of potato chips, a bar of chocolate and a bottle of vodka and celebrate. Let it be.
LikeLike
Sounds like fun. I’ll do the same.
LikeLike