A well-groomed man in a jogging outfit stands to the right of an entrance to a bank on a cool Fall morning. He’s just standing there, with his hands in his pockets, gazing at people passing by and periodically smiling at those who enter and exit the bank. After about an hour, a man in a business suit comes out of the bank and approaches the man. He identifies himself as a bank employee and begins to question the man in the jogging outfit.
Bank Employee: Is there something I can help you with, Sir?
Man: No. Is there something I can help you with?
Bank Employee: Yes, actually, there is. You can tell me why you’re standing out in front of this bank.
Man: No. I can’t.
Bank Employee: What do you mean you can’t? There must be a reason why you’re just standing out here. What is it?!
Man: I’ve no reason. I’m just standing here. Is that a crime?
Bank Employee: Yes! Yes it is! You can not just stand in front of this bank all day and harass our customers. It’s just wrong.
Man: I’m not harassing anyone. I’m just standing here. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll move.
Bank Employee: Great idea. Have a nice day. You weirdo, you.
The man takes his hands from his pockets, steps away from the right side of the bank entrance, and crosses over to the left side. He then places his hands back into his pockets and resumes his people gazing.
Bank Employee: WHAT?! You CAN NOT DO THAT! You need to leave from here or I’m getting the manager!
Man: No. I like it right where I am. I’m not bothering anyone. Go ahead. Get the manager. I’m not moving.
The bank employee grunts and storms back into the bank. 5 minutes later he returns with another, older, man who says he’s the bank manager.
Manager: Hello, Sir. My employee here tells me you are being unreasonable and are refusing to leave from the front of the bank. I’m going to have to insist you move from here. You are bothering our customers and creating an unnecessary disturbance.
Man: OK. Fine. I’ll move. Again.
The man moves from the left side of bank to the edge of the sidewalk directly in front of the bank. He then stands, smiles, and stares directly at the bank manager. He does not block the bank doors nor the manager in any way, as he is about 12 feet away from them. Regardless, the manager is infuriated by the man’s move.
Manager: That’s it! You CAN NOT stand here in front of this bank like this! You are BOTHERING people! You are making a damn fool out of yourself! There are laws, mister! And you NEED to abide by them! Now MOVE!!!
The manager charges up to the man and shoves him. The man trips and falls backward onto the street. He lands hard on the back of his head and is killed instantly.
Manager: Oh, GREAT!!! That’s just bloody great! Now I’ve a dead guy lying in the goddamn street in front of my bank!!! Now I’ve got to call the cops and wait til they come to haul him away! Just GREAT!!! This will REALLY bother my customers!!! The cops better get here quick and clean this mess up. I’ve got a goddamn business to run. Goddamn, friggin’ loiterer! Messed up my whole day! When will people learn?! WHEN???! IT IS NOT OK TO LOITER!!!
The manager then takes his cell phone from his suit pocket and dials 911. He begins to explain to the operator what happened as people briskly walk past the scene. Those who came by to do business in the bank do not enter it. They are too bothered by what they see in front of them to go inside.
Fini
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
It is bad to be poor. Our loiterer dies for no reason other than because he is seen as being less than human.
LikeLike
Right. And breaking a silly rule that bothers no one. He’s the guy who’s bothered by the bank employees.
LikeLike
Reminds me of the many signs I see outside business premises: no idlers, don’t sit here and so on. All of these guys are crazy
LikeLike
Right. The point in my brief story was that the guy creating the problem was not the loiterer but the guys saying he was the problem. Leave the guy alone, ignore him, and there is no problem. Customers will come and go and the loiterer keeps his life. That’s the “punchline” so many are searching for here. You got it right away. You just had to let your gut tell you what it was. This is why you are my general in my war on idiocy. You’re a smart man. 😀 Brilliant really.
LikeLike
Can I be promoted now?
LikeLike
You bet. As of today, you are Supreme Commander Noel, and you are in charge of recruiting more soldiers to our cause of battling idiocy with witty words and rubber chickens. 😀
LikeLike
Cool, this is so cool.
LikeLike
You’ve earned it, my brother. Now, if only one day we could have a few beers together.
LikeLike
That would be great.
LikeLike
That it would, my friend, that it would.
LikeLike
A toast to that my good friend.
LikeLike
Like other comments here, this made me think (mostly about where you were going with this — and of course, I was waiting for a punchline, too. It was very visual, Jeff. But what came to my mind was the fact that in the end the bankers true colors were exposed. He had dehumanized the loiter.
LikeLike
That’s pretty much the point. In the end, who caused the problem that was blamed on the guy who passively stood there not doing anything? It’s those who who continually push issues onto others who are often the cause of the trouble they claim comes from those others. Who makes a big deal about gay folks wanting to get married? It isn’t the people who are in love and want to simply marry the person they love who cause the ruckus, it’s the loud mouth xtian right that makes the noise. They are the problem-not those they blame it on. That’s the “punchline” here. There is no punchline. There’d be no problem if the bank employee and the manager simply let the loiterer stand there harmlessly. A problem was created where there wasn’t one by the people saying there was one there that wasn’t.
LikeLike
I am reminded of Kathy over on Nate’s post. So many times she said “liberals” were liars and destroying America because they weren’t abiding by the hate book. And this behavior is so prevalent. I couldn’t agree more that they create the very problems they claim others are causing.
LikeLike
My inspiration for this bit, which was experimental, so if people don’t like it, that is perfectly cool, is Melville’s “Bartelby the Scrivener”. It’s a short story about a law office employee who’s response to every request is “I would prefer not to.” He’s totally benign, but drives the narrator of the piece utterly insane because of the craziness within him ( the narrator) that he projects onto Bartelby. I hated it the first time I read it cause I thought, “Where’s the punchline,” when I finished reading it. I had to go back and find it. I made a feeble attempt here to do the same type of story. I think the piece works, but then again, I’m divinely inspired.
LikeLike
I really liked John’s take on your piece too.
“but then again, I’m divinely inspired.”
Indeed you are. May the Sauce be with you.
LikeLike
Amen.
LikeLike
Kathy is also a certifiable psychopath.
LikeLike
This one really forces the reader to think…cause as other commenters pointed out, I was expecting a punchline of sorts. Don’t really know what to make of it, other than that the narrator seems to side with the loiterer, even though the latter’s death is considered a nuisance at worst…which makes me wonder what this story would have been like from a different point of view.
On the other hand, I can also look at this as an edgy tale about how much society demands people to conform to one another, with the death of a non-conformist seen as an equation balancing itself out…
Am I barking up the right trees here?;)
LikeLike
Yes. I’m not exactly sure what it means. Just felt right. Why? Don’t know. I just find it odd that loitering is such a nuisance, there are laws against it. There are worse things one can do with ones time than stand around on a corner.
LikeLike
You’re right…loitering in itself is completely harmless, but I must say loitering often has a bit of an aggressive intent, if only passive aggressive…then again, I was inclined to side with the loiterer in this case;)
LikeLike
Loitering while wearing a hoodie is the worst offense a person can ever make. that’s a big no no.
LikeLike
And I really wanted the reader to think, as you said. I do enough stuff with punchlines. Read “Bartelby The Scrivener” by Herman Melville. It was what I was thinking of when I wrote this.
LikeLike
Dammit, Mike Douglas, not Kirk.
LikeLike
Got it. 😀
LikeLike
Made me think of that Kirk Douglas movie, was it Fallen? In that the character thought he was in the right the whole time, even right after he committed a murder.
Didn’t even occur that he was in the wrong… you see that on a lot of levels out there in the cold dark world. Bigots, religious whackos killing for their gods. Sometimes bank managers having an authoritrian snit fit that leads to cold blooded murder.
LikeLike
Good analogy. I do believe The Fallen was the name of the movie you referred to.
LikeLike
Just read your comment again and you are dead on here in getting the “point” I’m making here. You put it much clearer than I could. Thanks.
LikeLike
I love it.
Don’t need no punch line.
Cheers,
Lanc’d
LikeLike
Thank you, sir. There’s no punch line, cause it isn’t a joke. Thanks for gettin’ that. And I hope your birthday was fun filled!
LikeLike
I’m pretty certain it was, but alas, I cannot recall.
😉
LikeLike
Best kind, my friend, best kind.
LikeLike
I was waiting for the punch line. It didn’t come. Now I suspect i missed something. No, I didn’t. I didn’t miss anything. I now suspect I’ve been shown something my brain doesn’t wan’t to register.
LikeLike
It’s there. I’m not telling.
LikeLike
Just a tiny hint: What’s the problem that’s blamed on the loiterer and who is it who actually creates it?
LikeLike
I was thinking something far deeper and sublime.
LikeLike
That too. I’m not gonna say. Read Melville’s short story, “Bartelby the Scrivener.” You’ll like it.
LikeLike
Actually, what were you thinking? I’m curious. I’ve no set answer. I just write things.
LikeLike
I figured it might have been a sullen expose of black art. One expects something to happen, something extra-ordinary, but what is delivered the melancholy of the every day… although there was a death, which is exceptional, the managers reaction was borderline grotesque in his detachment.
LikeLike
I like that. Read the Melville piece when you’ve time. It’s short, for Melville.
LikeLike
Found it, but it’ll have to wait a bit. Looks good, though. Anything to do with the strangest man ever must be good
LikeLike
I think you’ll enjoy it. It relates to the reliability of the first person narrator of the tale. Any time there is a subjective, first person narration of a story, the first question to ask when reading it is, “Is this narrator dependable and accurate in his telling of the story, or is his or her view tainted in some way. “A Catcher In The Rye” is an excellent book to read while being aware of the narrator’s reliability. Just how much faith should one place in the opinions of Holden Caulfield? Any way, thanks for reading. I believe I fixed the angling problem in my reply sections. At least I hope I did. That was rather annoying.
LikeLike
Gawd, what’s going on with your comments thread… Does it keep tapering down to Planck scales?
LikeLike
Sorry. I’m trying to fix that and nothing is working. Friggin’ WordPress!
LikeLike
Still working on it.
LikeLike
Any better?
LikeLike
Ah, there ya’ go, you clever thing!
LikeLike