Rhode Island Vanishes: Found Adrift Near Australia

Missing As Of This Morning

Missing As Of This Morning

In shocking news, the entire state of Rhode Island vanished from the continental United States this morning. It was found adrift 18 hours later near the southern coast of Australia. When ship-bound reporters approached Rhode Island to ask it what had happened to it, this is what it said. “I ran away from The United States because I do not feel I’m as respected as the other 49 states that make it up, and I refuse to return to it unless the following demands are met: 1.) I want to be made bigger. I’m tired of being a small state. Actually, I want to switch places with Texas. Let me be Texas and Texas be me. I promise I will be far less of a pain in the ass than Texas is currently. 2.) I want every member of congress to wear a T-shirt that reads, ‘I love Rhode Island’ whenever they are in session. 3.) I want Maryland to marry me. I’ve been asking her to marry me for decades and she keeps avoiding me. Make her marry me or I stay where I am. 4.) My last demand is this: I want Virginia to pay me the 500 dollars it owes me from the bet we made on the last Presidential election. Period. It pays up, or I stay here.

Rhode Island Is Now Just South Of Australia

Rhode Island Is Currently Just South Of Australia

To conclude, I give the U.S. 24 hours to meet my demands or I stay where I am. Forever. I love wallabies, so staying here will not be hard.”  We at TACP will keep our readers updated on this story as more information becomes available. Until then, here’s hoping Rhode Island returns to the U.S. soon. It feels empty here without it.

19 thoughts on “Rhode Island Vanishes: Found Adrift Near Australia

  1. Ha ha. Funny. But seriously, geographical regions should have the capabilities to shift and go where they prefer.

    I’ve been meaning to ask, though: why is it that many people in the US tend to mock New Jersey, and it’s people? It’s almost like there’s a collective low opinion, or derisive opinion, of that state. Where did it originate from?


  2. Question is — why didn’t RI let me know of these plans before it took off todown under. Waaaa

    RI — do yourself a favor and don’t come back unless you are a glutton for punishment.


  3. Why Rhode Island? Of all the states that could’ve been sent away, why this one? Okay, truth be told, I never cared much for Rhode Island, but I never hated its guts either, not like Texass, California or Florida…let Florida go to Australia!


  4. Tony Abbott is celebrating; now he has another non-nondescript, outside-the-law island to “house” boat-people for “processing.”


  5. I am in full support of Rhode Island – I may start a demo outside the Houses of Parliament to drum up support this side of the pond!


  6. Why not switching with Alaska (is two times bigger than small texas)?


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