Nazi Land, USA. Donald Trump today said that Adolf Hitler had a perfectly valid point in his desire to kill every living Jew and become ruler of the Western world. “All sides that were involved in WW2 did awful things,” Trump said earlier. “The Allies bombed the f**k out of Berlin for years. Was that nice? Should Hitler have simply accepted what was happening, or should he have fought back? For Christ’s sake, the Allies INVADED Hitler’s country in order to bomb it! How is that OK? It isn’t. All sides involved in WW2 are equally responsible for the horrors of that war. It saddens me that more God-fearing Americans do not see this. Well, at least my sycophants in the Republican Party do. I thank Jesus for them every day. They put me where I am, and, for the most part, they love and support me and all I do. God bless ’em. And God bless the poor, and sadly misunderstood, white supremacists who are my staunchest supporters. With their strength, and God’s love, I can’t help but make America great again. Seig Heil, and Amen!”
Swastika Village, Texas. Do you have trouble finding Christmas gifts for your racist pals in the Alt-Right movement? Are you an Alt-Right member yourself who feels discriminated against because there are no toys marketed toward white supremacists? Well, your worries are over. Just in time for Christmas, the All Colors Are Great As Long As They’re White Toy Company is releasing several new Alt-Right talking plush toys designed to make white supremacists of all ages giddy with joy. These toys are only $9.99 a piece, and if you order one now, you’ll get a free, Trump May Be Orange, But We Love Him Any Way t-shirt absolutely free. Here are pics of the toys along with the phrases they’ll say when you, or your racist kids, squeeze them.
Order yours now while supplies last at http://www.luvwhites.com
Chicago, Illinois. The results of a study conducted by Professor James Smartman, head of the genetics department at the University of Chicago, show what many intelligent humans have always suspected, males of the white supremacist race have extremely tiny penises. “It’s true,” Professor Smartman said earlier. “All of the white supremacist men who took part in this study had penises no longer or thicker than the pubic hair surrounding them. It was, to be honest, very difficult not to laugh at these poor, pathetic creatures as I studied their tiny willies. How this particular group of humans can procreate when the males of the species have such minute genitalia is beyond me. But, unfortunately for the rest of us, they’ve found a way. They’re also not the smartest apples hanging on the homo sapien tree. To get them to participate in this study, all I had to do was offer them a free six-pack and an Uncle Adolph Hitler plush toy. They were happy to let me measure their penises whilst they drank beer, belched, and played with good ole Uncle Adolph. I’ll next be conducting a study to determine whether or not white supremacists have testicles because, to be honest, I didn’t see any while I was digging through their pubes looking for their penises.”