Darth Vader Moves Into Vatican After Removing Pope And All Clergy

The Dark Side Is Now In The Vatican

The Dark Side Is Now In The Vatican

Rome, Italy. Millions of Roman Catholics were stunned this morning when Darth Vader, Dark Lord of The Sith, appeared on Fox News to announce the Pope, and all other Catholic Clergy, had been removed from the Vatican by Imperial Storm Troopers so that he could move into it. “I have been contemplating retirement for some time now,” Lord Vader breathed heavily to Fox reporter Megyn Kelly, “and the Vatican seemed an impressive place for me to retire to, most impressive, indeed. I found the faith of its Clerical occupants, however, to be insignificant when compared to the POWER of the DARK SIDE of the FORCE, so I had them removed to an Imperial penal colony on Bespin before moving in.

Pope And Clergy Exit Vatican For Bespin Penal Colony

Pope And Clergy Exit Vatican For Bespin Penal Colony

Their sniveling and postulating about their rights as Vatican citizens failed to impress upon me anything other than mild annoyance. To teach them the TRUE meaning of POWER, and to REVENGE my Sith- self upon them for causing me the above mentioned mild annoyance, I decided to question several of them with the assistance of an Imperial Mind Probe Torture Droid as they were packing their belongings for their move to Bespin. As I really had no questions to ask them, knowing nothing about them, I simply asked them to repeat, 1000 times each, that I, Darth Vader, Dark Lord of The Sith, was THE MOST POWERFUL BEING any of them had ever met and all else paled in significance when compared to the POWER of THE DARK SIDE of the FORCE. After completing this task, they left for Bespin. And now that I’ve moved in to Vatican City, I ask that all former followers of the former Catholic leaders of the city pick another leader to follow, for if I am disturbed in my retirement, those disturbing me will experience the FULL POWER of the DARK SIDE of the FORCE!”

Zeus Destroys Yemen With Massive Bolts Of Lightning

Yemen today was turned into a smoldering pile of charred debris when Zeus, ruler of the gods of ancient Greece, unleashed a torrent of massive lightning bolts into it from his home atop Mount Olympus. “Fuck Yemen!” Zeus said. “I read yesterday that an 8-year-old ‘bride’ was killed there on her ‘wedding night’ by her 40 something year old husband when he fucked her and tore her insides to pieces. Call me old-fashioned, but any country that, for even a second, tolerates, to any degree, a religious or cultural ideology that allows the families of young girls to make arrangements for them to be married to pedophile rapists for a fee, needs to be eliminated from the face of the Earth. Fuck that shit! Sick bastards! I’m old, and it isn’t as easy for me to keep track of everything down there like it once was, but you can believe me when I say, stories like this will ALWAYS get to me at some point. I’m hoping I sent a message today that was clear and concise. If a country doesn’t make it its top priority to wipe its ass of the shit stained individuals and organizations that allow, condone, or cover up the rape of children, I’m wiping it off the planet. No questions asked. Vatican City, is next.”

Zeus Blasts Yemen With Lightning

Zeus Blasts Yemen With Lightning