President Declares, “The U.S. Military Is Broke”


U.S. Military Is Completely Broke

“I’m as shocked as everyone else about this news,” President Obama said today, “but the U.S. simply can not afford to put another bullet in another gun anywhere at any time in the foreseeable future. Our military is, quite simply put, utterly and completely broke. Thus I’ve been forced to recall all military personnel from every place on the planet until we can collect enough money to send ’em all back, armed and eager to kill for their country on command. Until then, America will have to focus on its own borders (with rocks and sticks if need be) and pray the Canadians and/or Mexicans do not take this opportunity to launch an invasion. I apologize to those Americans who’ve enjoyed expanding our interests overseas through the use of bombs, tanks, and drones, but we simply no longer have the money to pay for such things. On the bright side, however, Congress assures me, that, if every American cuts back on things like medicine, food, clothing, and their children’s educations, and donates the money instead to the military budget, we’ll be back to bombing and killing in the Middle East in almost no time at all. Remember, America, it’s the countries that pray together, and save together, that can best afford to bomb and kill together.”

No Longer Affordable

No Longer Affordable