New Dinosaur, The Jesusaurus Rex, Discovered In Florida

The Jesusuarus Rex

The Jesusaurus Rex

Humid-As-Fuck City, Florida.    In breath-stopping news today, University of Miami Paleontologist, Dr. Al Beseeingu, announced he’s discovered a new species of dinosaur living in a swamp near Orlando, Florida.  “I was walking in the swamp looking for a contact lens I’d lost there several years ago when suddenly I noticed the bottled water I was drinking had magically turned into wine,” Dr. Beseeingu said earlier.   “I then heard a loud crunching noise behind me, and when I turned to see what it was, I saw a ten foot long dinosaur with a very human-like beard staring right at me.   I panicked, pulled out the side arm I always carry, in case I ever need to stand my ground, and shot the beast squarely in the head several times.  It let out a gasp, fell to the ground, died, and then immediately resurrected from the dead in a burst of light.  At that moment I knew I was dealing with a new species of dinosaur I’ve since dubbed, the Jesusaurus Rex.  The beast has the power to turn water into wine and resurrect itself from death.  This explains how it’s never gone extinct.  I was fortunate enough to snap one picture of it with my phone before it slithered back into the swamp and vanished from sight.  I’ll be returning to the location where I saw the beast in a few weeks with some Catholic priests and an Evangelical minister.  I’m hoping they can help me convince the creature, if found, to return with us to the University of Miami for further study.  Wish us luck.”