Putin Posts Nude Pics Of Edward Snowden On Obama’s Facebook Page

Cropped Pornographic Snowden Pic

Obama Found Pics Like This On His Facebook Page Today

In a brazenly crude act which has greatly increased the tension between Russian President, Vladimir Putin, and his American counterpart, Barrack Obama, Putin hacked into Obama’s Facebook account this morning and posted several sexually explicit nude pictures of NSA whistle-blower, Edward Snowden on it.

Vladimir, You'll Pay For This!

Vladimir, You’ll Pay For This!

“This is retaliation on Putin’s part for me freezing him out of his Netflix account Monday,” a clearly offended President Obama said earlier. “I warned him I was going to kill his Netflix account if Russia used its military in the Ukraine over this Crimea bullshit, and he used it any way. I know exactly what he’s up to too, the Commie bastard. He’s sucked Crimea up into Russia as if it were merely a tiny piece of some Soviet Union puzzle he’s trying to reconstruct. I knew he’d be pissed about losing Netflix, but I never thought he was so twisted as to do something like this. Hacking into my Facebook account and posting pictures of Edward Snowden nude, in explicit sexual situations with light posts, mail boxes, owls, and lawn mowers is just not something the President of the United States will tolerate or easily forgive. My wife and my daughters saw that sick filth!

IMO, The Pics Were Quite Tastefully Done

Putin: “The Pics Were Quite Tastefully Done, IMO.”

President Putin needs to be aware of one thing right now: He really fucked himself by doing this. I don’t know how in the name of God he got Snowden to do what he was doing so gleefully in those pictures, but I’m personally going to make him pay dearly for posting them on my Facebook page for my family, and the nation, to see.

Obama's 'Lil Bomber

Obama’s ‘Lil Bomber

Beginning tonight, and continuing every night for six months, my personalized, stealth drone, ‘Obama’s ‘Lil Bomber,’ will be making a trip to drop hundreds of pounds of raw sewage onto the front lawn of whatever abode Putin happens to be staying in that night. If he stays in a hotel, the sewage will be dropped there. Also, if he decides to leave Russia and visit, say, Buckingham Palace and spends the night there, the sewage will be dropped on Buckingham Palace’s front lawn. There will be no escape for him from this. Hopefully he’ll learn from this and not do anything like this to me ever again. It was really, really mean.”

Freewill, Or “If It’s Free, Why Does It Cost So Much To Use?”

 One Choice I Know I Do Have Is To Eat Christian Baby For Dinner Tonight

One Choice I Know I Do Have Is To Eat Christian Baby For Dinner Tonight

I pretty much grew up in the streets of a poor neighborhood on the north-west side of Chicago. I did a lot of head banging as a young man, that is when my head wasn’t the one being banged. I eventually got into theater and quickly fell madly in love with Shakespeare. This interest motivated me to put myself through University, where I excelled at all things academic.  I did, however, find the sterile safety of the academic environment to be lacking the tactile touch of the streets on many occasions. The masturbatory, rhetorical chest thumping exhibited by academics arguing with each other over esoteric concepts of mind-numbing banality was and still is my greatest complaint about academia. At some point, it is time to hit someone in the mouth and fight, or simply shut the fuck up about an issue. Discussions on freewill almost always illicit this response from me, so I’ll try to stop blabbing before that happens with this post.

I was just skimming over Sam Harris’ short book ,”Freewill”, which I actually understand, or think I do at least. I agree with Sam Harris in that I, too, feel there really is no such thing as “freewill.”  When I think about “me” as an entity, I wonder about how much of “me” was freely chosen by me to be me, if anything at all.  I was born in the sixties in Chicago to poor white parents who sent me to Catholic schools. They provided food, clothing, and a Catholic education, but beside those things, they were true sociopaths who’s hatred for my very existence never ceases to astound me. I most certainly had nothing to do with any of these factors and had absolutely no control over them. However, I sure as hell can tell you, they DEFINE the major portion of who I am and how I see the world and my place in it. There are choices I make in how to live with who I am and better myself, but the choice of choices I have in this matter were never mine to choose.

I Like This

I Like This

I speak English. Not because I chose to at any point ever in my existence, but because that’s the language people around me speak and that’s the language I learned. Sure, I could learn another and stubbornly will myself to speak nothing but it, but what the fuck for? As well, I was born with all of my limbs and all of my chromosomes intact. These are facts that STRONGLY affect my sense of self, the choices I can or can not make freely about certain things, and they have NOTHING what-so-ever to do with anything I freely chose for myself, ever. I’m a white male. Not by choice but by chance. If anyone tells you being a white male in America, even a very poor one, doesn’t have built-in perks, they need to fuck themselves hard with a metal object. It matters. It effects my freewill and my choice of choices. I was raised Catholic. And while I’ve come to not believe in the Catholic dogma, I’m still Catholic the way I’m still Irish and Bohemian. It doesn’t wash off, and it can’t be willed away. Most importantly, it has nothing to do with anything I did or decide to do at all. Nothing. And yet, it’s me. Like all the other shit that’s me that I had NOTHING to do with. There is NO freedom in that at all. If I’ve a brain tumor which affects my behavior, I’ve no freewill in it. If I’ve a traumatized neurotransmitter system in my brain due to repeated tosses down stair-wells while growing up, I’ve no freewill in it. If my brain is wired to think my shit doesn’t stink and I’ve tons of power and freewill and that’s why I’m great, I also have no freewill in that. It doesn’t exist.

I Like This One, Too

I Like This One, Too

A white, male baby who is born with all of his limbs and chromosomes intact into a conservative Christian, wealthy upper middle class family, who grows up to be a wealthy white, male Christian conservative and all round good chap, did not choose to be white, male, wealthy, Christian conservative, or to have all of his limbs and chromosomes at birth.  He had a choice of choices laid out for him far different from mine, and further even yet than had he been born in Pakistan to a deeply religious Muslim family. By far, and I mean VERY far, Christians are Christians because they were born to Christian parents and raised that way. Muslims born to Muslim parents in Pakistan are Muslim because they were raised to be and they live in a Muslim society. People convert, but I assure you, the majority of conservative Christians in America are not former Muslims once living in Pakistan, as the majority of Muslims living in Pakistan were not once Christians living in America. I’ve never read anything written by a Muslim claiming to be the perfect rhetorical argument proving that God exists and he is, indeed, the Christian god. Only Christians write such things. It’s because of where they were raised and by whom that they hold such beliefs. Muslims hold their specific beliefs for these very same reasons.

When such defining core elements of ourselves as those I mentioned above are in no way decided by or chosen by us in any way at all, how much freedom of will do we truly have? We want freewill. We want control. We want to feel WE have control of the ride we’re on. In some things we may have limited control, but what those things are, are limited greatly by the things we have no control over at all. And it is here that I stop. The academics wouldn’t. But that, I feel, is because they lack the tactile sense of how easy it is to prove just how powerless they are over their environment. They can control the written word, but not a fist in the mouth that jars out 6 teeth and dislocates the jaw so badly talking with a lisp becomes the new norm.  All it would take is for the right nut-case to get pissed off enough one day to do it. Won’t be me though. I haven’t enough freewill left to do it.

I Was A Zionist For The County But Now I’m A Liberal For The State

Me And My Zionist Cannibal Pals, circa 1929

Me And My Zionist Cannibal Pals, circa 1929

I’ve no fucking idea what that means, but I like the sound of it. And for some reason, it seemed to fit this post which is about my opinions. My radical Zionist opinions. Particularly my opinions on 2 topics that 3 different people, entirely independent of each other, told me they had logically flawless answers to in the last 2 days. The logically impenetrable answers that were presented to me were on these hot button topics, “Should abortion remain legal?”, and “Is there a God?” I’ve no interest in debates on these topics with people, so if I’m asked my opinion on them, I generally talk about Thor and The Hulk and who’s stronger, and that kinda tells people I’m not interested in the discussion. But, since it’s New Years Eve, and I’m just sitting here writing all alone, I’ll give my opinion on said topics. And though my meek opinions of flawless perfection can most definitely be argued with, that isn’t what’s going to happen here. For the record: I do not care if you disagree with me or want to state a counterpoint to mine. This is my blog and you’re not doing it here. There are PLENTY of blogs to have debates on about these issues if you want. This isn’t one of them. I’m a Zionist cannibal with the goal of eating everyone who bothers me. So don’t.

No one has flawlessly perfect, logically impenetrable points about these issues which everyone agrees with. All fucking people EVER do is argue about these issues, and many people who do are very, very, intelligent. So no, no point is so flawlessly logical that it can’t be argued against from an opposing side. When there are numerous people, with numerous arguments related to the same topic, claims of absolute and flawless logic in regards to any one argument is not something I take very seriously. Abortion is viewed by most as a black and white issue but, from what life’s taught me, it isn’t. I’m not a woman. I can’t become pregnant. I may LOOK pregnant from the abundance of carbohydrates I consume, but rest assured, I’m not nor can I ever become pregnant. I do still have an opinion on abortion, however, and it follows below.

I do not think the aborting of a fetus from the womb of a pregnant woman is funny, a game, a good choice of birth control, nor to be taken lightly by anyone for any reason. I also think if any of these prior descriptions fit your attitude about abortion, you need serious mental health counseling. I also do not think abortion should be illegal. It is a women’s right to have control of her body. If men had to carry babies and squeeze them out of our bodies, the legalization of abortion would be a non issue. As a matter of fact, I’m quite certain the fucking human species would have died out thousands of years ago if this were the case. As for when a fetus should be considered to be fully “human”, I say at the sperm and egg stage. Treat the death of each sperm cell, especially those wasted through masturbation, as the loss of a human life, and hold the offending masturbators guilty of infanticide for their inability to control themselves, and different tunes sung in different keys will be sung. I am not in any way kidding about this, nor do I mean to make light of the matter. As well, each month, after a woman’s period, a funeral should be held in honor of the half human who ALMOST made it to being a full human. Human sperm cells and egg cells are HUMAN. They are souls waiting for bodies. They are not fish. They are not monkeys. They are HUMAN. And their loss is tragic. Start treating them as such, and the whole abortion issue will be replaced with this one. Again, I am serious about my stance on this. That being said, I want it known that I would defend with my very life, if necessary, a woman’s right to make decisions about her own body.

The Holy Mouth Of Rambling Pontifications

The Holy Mouth Of Rambling Pontifications

Another answer to a question I never asked but was given any way involves the absolute certainty of God’s existence and how it can be proven flawlessly through rhetorical means alone. The undeniable “evidence” for God’s existence given in most of these arguments is that since the universe exists, it had to have been created by God because something can’t come from nothing. Really? Perhaps this is true. Sounds spiffy. Though how this then confirms the existence of the CHRISTIAN god in particular, I don’t know. But then I’m just an idiot who PRETENDS to know shit in order to get cheap laughs, so you can’t go by me. When I’m presented with definitive statements about God and our universe, a universe that is mind-boggling to me in its complexity, I’m amazed  such immense, all-powerful knowledge can be contained within single mortal minds. Possible I guess. But, you know, I’m really going to need some real evidence if I’m going to believe anything I’m told like this. And, no, having won the gold medal for debate in the 1985 Wisconsin State Debate Finals doesn’t count.

The complete acceptance, and by so many, of rhetorical arguments alone as proof for the Christian creator of the cosmos makes me wonder why we’ve pissed away so much money on particle accelerators in search of the Higgs boson, when all that’s apparently needed to prove anything to millions of people is a logically sound argument, flawlessly articulated, that NO ONE could EVER argue against. Fuck physical evidence. If Peter Higgs SAYS there’s a Higgs field, and he states it soundly enough, then god damn it, there’s a Higgs field giving mass to energy. Period. I don’t know about you, but I’m rather glad medical science doesn’t operate this way.

I’m glad medicine has tests that scientists took the time to develop to see whether or not I actually need things like insulin and chemotherapy before I start to use them. If my doctor told me to go home and start injecting insulin because he had a flawless argument as to why I needed it all written out for me, I’d get a different doctor. So would anyone else, I think. Which makes me not get the God ABSOLUTELY HAS to exist type of arguments people espouse. I’m happy for them if they believe what they say, but I’m not happy when I get the “what kind of idiot are you to NOT believe what I’m saying” look when I say I do not believe for lack of evidence. I’m not bashing the believer, either. I’ve learned that what people BELIEVE to be true is far more significant and powerful than what actually IS true about what they believe. I get it. A person’s faith is like their ethnicity and I can respect that, but then I want my way of viewing reality respected as well. And to me, it is just unwise to accept extraordinary claims without extraordinary evidence. If you don’t believe me, just shoot insulin the next time someone tells you to just because they wrote a logically flawless argument for why you needed it.

Phil Robertson Now Claims, “I Didn’t Make Anti-Gay Slurs, My Beard Did!”

“My beard is a gay-hating parasitic alien from a distant planet”, Phil Robertson said today. “And it was the beard, not me who went on the anti-gay tirade you all heard. I should be pitied and comforted, not hated. I’ve had to live with this hairy creature hanging from the bottom of my face and feeding off of me for decades now.

Phil Robertson Before And After The Alien Beard Stuck Itself To His Face

Phil Robertson Before And After The Alien Beard Stuck Itself To His Face

And as bad as that is, the damn thing snores at night. Try sleeping with that, America. The beard hates gays, not me. I love gays. I’m gay myself, but can’t act on it for fear my beard will mock me all day. As it is now, the fucking thing incessantly says the rosary and talks out loud to Jesus, consistently praying he come down from Heaven and kill all the gays, Jews, Blacks, atheists, and Liberal Democrats on the planet. I’ve tried to tell him to be more tolerant of people who are different, because he himself is just a beard, and surely would suffer prejudice if people knew about him. But it just goes in one hair and out the other. Unfortunately, I can’t remove the beard without killing myself because it has latched the roots of each hair into my brain. We sort of need each other now to live. I hope Disney will let me have my job back, and I promise I will do my best to keep my bigoted beard from speaking out in the future. Thank you, and God bless you, America.”

Catholic Church Enables Yet Another Little Boy Rapist Priest To Continue His Trade

” ‘It is not correct to assume that every allegation of sexual abuse of a minor by a Catholic priest, is true,’ Archdiocese spokesperson Susan Burritt told the I-Team.” This quote is from this news story, Victims’ advocates upset at priest Fr. Michael O’Connell treatment after allegation, voluntarily stepped aside at St. Alphonsus in Lakeview | abc7chicago.com , reported by ABC News’ Chicago affiliate, WLS.  It is in reference to yet another rape allegation made against a Catholic priest by an adult male saying the priest molested him when he was a young boy. This is not just ANY priest either, mind you, but a big wig in the Chicago Archdiocese, Fr. Michael O’Connell, pastor of St. Alphonsus Parish in Chicago’s Lakeview neighborhood.

Fr. Michael O'Connell, Accused Of Raping A Little Boy

Fr. Michael O’Connell, Accused Of Raping A Little Boy

Here is another quote from the story: “A Northwest Side Chicagoan, Father O’Connell was featured in an article a year ago in the archdiocesan newspaper. In it he discusses having been in the first seminary class ordained by Cardinal Bernardin: ‘He referred to us as being ‘rookies’ with him,’ O’Connell was quoted. ‘There was a special bonding.’ ”  I’ll bet there was, a bonding in the brotherhood of little boy rapist priests, and those who enable them, no doubt. The response of the Archdiocese of Chicago to this allegation is utterly disgusting and shameful. At this point, the Church MUST assume that EVERY fucking claim by an adult rapist priest survivor IS true until proven otherwise, if for no other reason than to PRETEND they are taking the problem seriously. Clearly, they are not. Their track record as a breeding ground for little boy rapists and those who hide them is truly unparalleled in the annuals of modern human history. Worse yet is that Fr. O’Connell has been allowed to voluntarily remove himself from his duties as pastor of St. Alphonsus to go where ever he wishes to without having to inform anyone, except his Archdiocesan enablers, of course, where he is. In other words, he’s free to hunt little boys freely, in which ever community he decides to hide his rapist ass, until he’s legally obligated to do otherwise.  This is the result of the undeserved deference religion still receives throughout the civilized world, here in America most of all. We Americans are a brain-washed society. We feel having”faith” in invisible deities and giving deference to the proclaimers of their moral codes to be more sacred than even the well-being of our own children. (Please be sure to check out the reader responses to the article I’ve provided to see exactly how right I am about this). Every time a rapist priest is allowed to hide himself amongst the unwary, to rape again, we are all to blame. WE have created this culture of religious deference, and WE allow it to continue. It is time to change it. We can start by calling what Fr. O’Donnell is accused of exactly what it is: the rape of little boys. That’s what it is when a grown man seduces and sexually uses a child for his own sick sexual gratification: Rape. And those who do it are little boy rapists, little boy priest rapists. Period. I’m fucking finished with giving religious people a deference they most certainly have done NOTHING to earn.  Act like parents and protect your god damn kids before you stick up for your fucking priests, and then maybe I’ll respect you.

Database of Priests Accused of Sexual Abuse

Self Declared Nobel Prize Winning Smart Ass Solves A Problem

Just a few short hours ago, the smart ass know-it-all who authors this blog was informed the “Leave A Comment” section on a particular post was set to “closed.”

Artist's Rendering Of My Frustration Over An Inadvertently Closed Comment Section

Artist’s Rendering Of My Frustration Over The Inadvertently Closed Comment Section

Panic over took him because he, using his keen Nobel Prize winning brilliance, realized he hadn’t set it that way himself and now he had to figure out, all by his whittle self, how to correct the problem.  Well, we here at TACP home offices are very glad to inform you, the problem, after much cussing and many unintelligible grunts,  has been corrected.  Praise be Faith, my brothers and sisters. Praise be Faith because faith in non-existence guys gets you tax exempt status in America, and God, as you all know, loves America more than any country there ever was, ever!

Texas And Florida Devoured By Giant Turkeys

Giant Turkeys Like These Devoured Florida And Texas

That Was Yummy!

A devastating blow against Christian Conservatives and Tea Party advocates alike was struck this morning when Giant Turkeys materialized simultaneously in Texas and Florida and completely devoured both states.  Nothing remains where the two states once stood but a light covering of Giant Turkey shit.  Before returning from whence they came, the leader of the Giant Turkeys, Mr. Gobble Yercock,  gave an insightful, informative interview to TACP’s editor ‘n chief, me.  The transcript of this interview, without any embellishment by TACP, is presented below.

TACP:  Let me begin, Mr. Gobble Yercock, by saying, what a fucking entrance! Yesterday no one knew Giant Turkeys even existed, and today, BAM! You’ve devoured both Texas and Florida and it isn’t even noon yet. Impressive, most impressive.

Giant Turkey Leader, Mr. Gobble Yercock

Giant Turkey Leader, Mr. Gobble Yercock

Gobble Yercock: Well, what can I say. We’re a dramatic entrance bunch, we Giant Turkeys. We specialize in the eradication of parasitic conservative vermin via consumption as soon as their presence becomes known to us.  We live in the realm between realms ( I had to write that) where all sentient beings work to ensure all sentient beings are treated as equal sentient beings.  We have a kick ass health care system, and we allow all beings to believe in whatever fantastic invisible deities they wish as long as they never once try to impose said deities onto anyone else not wishing to hear about them.

TACP: Does that really work?  I mean, here in America, we actually have the words “SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE” written into our Constitution, but in reality, nothing could be further from the truth.

Gobble Yercock: Oh, it works because the only crime one can be sentenced to death for where I come from is the crime of forcing one’s faith onto another. Do that, and you die. Period. The act of forcing a mythological deity onto others produces a foul smell which transgresses the barriers of space and time. We’re rather sensitive to that smell. That’s why we ate Texas and Florida this morning. The Right Wing Christian Conservative stench drifting from those two states was so vile it drifted into the realm between realms and was making us sick.  We took care of that I’d say, eh? And we’re coming back for a few more U.S. states in a few weeks. Then it’ll be on to the Middle East for us. But first, we have to digest all the Conservative bullshit we swallowed this morning.

TACP: Sounds great. Well, have a great Thanksgiving, Mr. Gobble Yercock, and thanks for doing what you do.

Gobble Yercock: No problem. See you soon. Gobble! Gobble! Gobble!