Check This Out

I’m a firm believer in UFO’s.  I totally believe extremely credible people see objects that do amazing things in the sky that are 100% unidentifiable to them.    The key word here is “unidentifiable”.  My science fiction-loving brain immediately jumps to space creatures, inter-dimensional time travelers, and Star Wars when I hear such stories.    I WANT E.T. to visit and be an awesome friend to us.  I really do, and I truly see no way for there NOT to be life, even intelligent life, elsewhere in the universe if not even our own galaxy.   We, as humans, simply are not that special.  If “we” happened here, something else like “us” is certain to have happened elsewhere in the universe.

However, my skeptical brain always reminds me that just because credible people see UFO’s buzzing about, it doesn’t mean said objects are extraterrestrial in origin.  It simply means, credible people saw some really amazing shit that was truly unidentifiable to them when they saw it.  Here’s an example of one such story that I find to be quite fascinating.

 

When I watched the video in this story, it was hard me not to jump about and scream, “ALIENS ARE HERE!!!! ALIENS ARE HERE!!”  But I didn’t.  I believe the pilots who tell this story are being truthful and honest, and I believe I’m truly looking at footage of something zipping about and hovering over the water that is truly unidentified.  But WHAT it is exactly, I’ve no idea.  I hope one day we will find out that we are not alone and that benevolent aliens are out there checking us out.   But this story, though certainly a truly fascinating one, doesn’t convince me of this.   It does, however, convince me that objects of an unidentified origin are sometimes seen by people who are credible, believable, and trustworthy.  Check it out.

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Interview With UFO Expert, Dr. Lenny B. Ly’in

UFO Expert, Dr. Lenny B. Ly'in

UFO Expert, Dr. Lenny B. Ly’in

Fibberland, Massachusetts.  UFO expert, Dr. Lenny B. Ly’in of MIT’s radical genius department, stopped by the ACP offices today whilst I was scratching my butt and asked me if I’d like to interview him for the site. The interview follows below. It has not been altered in any way since its original fabrication.

TACP: Thanks for coming by, Dr. B. Ly’in. Could you please tell my readers a little bit about yourself and your area of expertise?

Dr. B. Ly’in: Did you see that?! Right there! Out your damn window! There was a huge ship with crazy flashing lights all over it floating in the sky. It made a super quick, right angle turn and vanished into space! Did you see it?

TACP: No. I didn’t see anything. What do you think it was?

Dr. B. Ly’in: What the fudge do you THINK it was, numb-nuts?! It was an alien spacecraft from beyond our galaxy piloted by little blue aliens! How bloody stoooopid are you?

TACP: Well, I’m not sure just HOW stupid I am, but I didn’t see anything out the window. How do you know it was an alien spacecraft?

Dr. B. Ly’in: Are you questioning my area of expertise, you som’bitch?! The evidence CLEARLY shows it was a craft from another galaxy piloted by little blue aliens! I’m a SCIENTIST, not a bloody religious nut! I don’t just make shit up off the top of my head when I see something I don’t understand! GOD! People like you piss me off!

TACP: What kind of “people” am I?

Dr. B. Ly’in: You’re a gardarn som’bitchin’ skeptic! That’s what you are. You think it’s easy being a gardarn som’bitchin’ brilliant man of science like I am? You think it’s easy……Say, are those jelly donuts on your desk? Can I have one?

TACP: Sure, if you stop yelling at me and just give my readers a little info on yourself. When did you become a UFO expert, for starters?

Dr. B. Ly’in: When I gave up religion and began using reason as my life’s guide. That’s when. (Gardarn, but this IS a good donut!) Shortly after giving up religion, as I was peeing in an alley, I looked up and saw a bunch of objects with yellow lights on them making crazy, impossible, right angle turns in the sky. Using my non-religious, unparalleled, new-found sense of reason, I deduced that only alien spacecraft, piloted by tiny blue-skinned aliens, could have had made such crazy-ass, right angle turns. The minute I came to that conclusion, I became an expert on UFO’s. I got my position in the MIT genius department shortly thereafter. I teach a class every semester on why UFO’s are real and why belief in them isn’t at all like a religion.

TACP: Fascinating. Do you have any pictures you can show my readers of UFO’s you’ve encountered?

Dr. B. Ly’in: You bet your som’bitchin’, fat, white ass I do. I see these damn things all the time and have taken many pictures of them. I’ve brought two to show your readers. No sane, reasonable human being could ever deny that these are photos of authentic, extraterrestrial spacecraft piloted by little blue aliens. Here they are.

1.)

Real, Unaltered, HD Photo Of A Cow Obviously Being Abducted By Aliens For Perverse Sexual Purposes

Real, Unaltered, HD Photo Of A Cow Being Abducted By Aliens For Perverse Sexual Purposes

2.)

Deer, Obviously Being Pursued By A UFO Piloted By Little Blue Aliens

Deer, Obviously Being Pursued By A UFO Piloted By Little Blue Aliens With Prurient Intentions

Pretty amazing, eh? Ain’t no som’bitch dumb enough not see these are pics of real alien spacecraft doin’ bat-shit crazy things with animals. I gotta run now. I’ve a class to teach on the merits of understanding that belief in space aliens and UFO’s is not in any way at all like belief in a religion. Bye now.

TACP: Yeah. Bye. Wow. That was one amazing dude. I guess, what we can learn from him is that some people have obviously replaced the “god of the gaps theory,” to explain inexplicable phenomena, with an “aliens of the gaps” theory to explain the same phenomena. Either that, or Dr. Lenny be lyin’ about all this UFO stuff.

fini

Aliens Who Built The Pyramids Say, “Humans Are Dumber Than Door Knobs”

“That is to say,” said alien representative, Mi Fli B’Opn, “those humans who even know what door knobs are. We aliens have been doing EVERYTHING for you humans since you chowder-heads first started walkin’ on 2 legs, which, BTW, WE taught you how to do.

Mi Flie B'Opn says, "Humans Are Really, Really Dumb."

Mi Fli B’Opn says, “Humans Are Really, Really Dumb.”

So it never fails to make us laugh when some of you ninnies actual talk as if HUMANS built the pyramids. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!??? Human beings could no more build a pyramid than make a damn pancake without alien intervention.  As a matter of fact, most of you apes couldn’t brush your damn teeth each morning if an alien didn’t beam down into your body and do it for you.  The one thing I must say about humans is this: the amount of helplessness and stupidity prevalent amongst your species is, and has always been, pandemically crippling for you when left without alien help. The truest testament to this is, as I hinted at earlier, a belief many of you have that you are alone in the universe and that you ignorant dolts actually have the brain capacity to think and problem solve on your own, without our continual intervention. What a bunch of knuckle-heads you are.  You’re lucky we like you. You really, really are. Without us, you’d all be like toddlers with your pants full of poop looking for Mommy to change your pull-up.  Think about that the next time you question WHO it was who built the pyramids of Ancient Egypt, you knuckle-heads, you!”

The Joy Of Ignorance: When No Evidence Is The Evidence

As any reasonable person can tell you, the only possible answer to the gaps in our scientific understanding of the universe is God. Just acknowledging that there are gaps in what we know about the universe is proof, beyond all doubt, that God exists and created the universe between six thousand and 13.8 billion years ago. I rely on the flawlessness of this type of reasoning to provide me with infallible answers to every question I’m confronted with that I can’t explain and do not understand. Mastering the problem solving skills involved with this type of thinking has enabled me to solve many enigmas for which I’d otherwise have no answers.

Strange Object I Saw Last Night

Strange Object I Saw Last Night

Here’s a superb example of what I mean by this. Last night I saw a large glowing object moving slowly through the sky. I can honestly say, I’ve never seen anything quite like it in my entire life. I thought about what it could be for, I don’t know, maybe six or seven minutes, but could not come up with a reasonable answer to my own query. Once I realized I simply did not know what the object was, I concluded it HAD to be an alien spacecraft from a far distant world.  My dedication to this type of thinking has helped to prove, undeniably, that we are not alone in the universe. Imagine the type of world we would have if everyone had the same dedication.