Gary, Indiana. President Trump announced today that he’s opened a new department store in Moscow, Russia. “It’s the bigly-est department store ever,” President Trump said earlier. “It’s called Traitor Don’s, and it represents what can happen when an entire political party puts its own interests above those of its country. The amount of money I, and my sycophants in the GOP, will make from this store is almost limitless. We Republicans will use the store to sell America’s most sensitive secrets to every Russian citizen who wishes to purchase them. We’ve already made over 75 thousand t-shirts with America’s nuclear codes printed on them which, at this very moment, are selling like bowls of hot borscht for the nominal fee of 15 rubles. They come in red, white, or blue in honor of all those who sacrificed to make America the great land it is today.
The store also features a large entertainment section where Russians can purchase Blu-Ray DVD’s of Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell and me, Donald J. Trump, singing such songs such as, I Am A Traitor To My Country, and Vladimir Putin, We Love You Tender. All the proceeds from the store go to help the wealthiest Republican families in America become richer, fatter, and more vile than any middle or working class American ever thought possible.
If you are an American planning a trip to Russia, please make sure to stop by Traitor Don’s and watch as your country is sold, bit by bit, to an adversarial foreign power. And remember, it’s all perfectly fine because it’s the Republican Party doing it. God bless America, and God bless freedom.”