Donald Trump Eaten By His Own Toupee

Trump's Toupee Just Hours After Eating Him

Trump’s Toupee, Just Minutes After Eating Him

Assville, New York.   In shocking news today, Donald Trump, Republican presidential candidate, bigot, and all around shit-heal, was devoured by his own toupee whilst hurling racial insults at Mexicans during a press conference.   “It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen,” said Fox News reporter, Ivana Blowyew.  “Mr. Trump was proudly denouncing Mexican people and boldly proclaiming the superiority of filthy rich, conservative white males when his toupee began chewing him up and swallowing him.  The more Mr. Trump screamed, the faster the toupee ate.  Blood was spewing everywhere.  It ended after about 5 minutes when the toupee swallowed Mr. Trump’s feet and shoes and let out a final, enormous belch.  The toupee paused for a few minutes to let photographers in the room get a few pictures of it, then it scurried away out an open window.  The whole thing was just horrible.  Hopefully the toupee will leave other stinking rich, conservative, balding white bigots alone, but from what I saw, I’d say the damn thing has developed a craving for them.  So, be on the lookout if you match this description.”