I’m Running For The Senate In 2020

Hello, my fellow Americans.  I’m running for the Senate in 2020 as a Republican.  The main policy on my platform will be to build gas chambers and crematoriums throughout the country to deal with the “problem” of the poor and the disabled.  Really, do we need ’em?  More importantly, do we need to pay taxes for idiotic programs to “help” ’em?  Seriously, do we?  Naw.  Gas ’em.  Cremate ’em, and use their ashes to fertilize American veggie gardens.  I feel my policy here is sound and will be backed by the all-loving power of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, TrueChristians everywhere, and the best/wealthiest 1% of America’s proudest conservative citizens.

The Simple Solution To Poverty In America

I’ve always considered myself an independent who’s leaned left, but, lately, I’ve been changed by the joyous rapture I experience when watching President Trump and his ilk bringing the positive love and empathy they do to our fine country.  So, I’ve now become a Christ-loving, conservative Republican who believes in wiping out the poor and disabled, literally, and making America a true, tax-free, Christian theocracy so the all-encompassing love of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ can be shared with every single American whether they want it to be or not.  I say, let’s gas and cremate ALL disabled and poor/lazy people, who are sucking our country dry of resources, so we can give rich people handouts, OOPS, I mean tax breaks, and deport anyone who doesn’t agree with my idea of a TrueChristian, theocratic, federal government.

My ideas may very well disturb you if you’re an atheist or non-Christian when my Christian theocracy becomes the rule of law in America, but, get ready, because it soon will.  There’s so much quiet complacency and lack of involvement, politically speaking, in our country, especially by young people, that a radical, gas chamber-buildin’, conservative Christian like me can’t help but develop enough power to win the Senate, and eventually the White House itself.  And I’ll do it all right in front of a stunned nation that’ll, perhaps, later say, “How the eff did THAT guy get SO much power and why isn’t anyone doing ANYTHING to stop him?  Christ, they’ve just gassed and cremated 659 poor and disabled people not more’n a block down the street from me!  Whaaa haaaapeenn?!”

If you begin to worry at all about what I’m saying here or think that it may, just may, be wrong or, heaven forbid, in bad taste, don’t.  It’s harmless.  I’m harmless.  So, don’t worry.  There’s no need to get involved in a fight over the things I plan on doing for America.  As a matter of fact, I’m counting on most people NOT getting involved.  You know, like usual.

Lastly, I’d like to leave you with these thoughts.  There are a few disabled vets in my building who are complaining that their food stamps are gonna be cut off due to the current government shut down.  Really? I mean, COME ON!!!!  How friggin’ LAZY can people get!!!!  Why in the name of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, should MY tax dollars go to pay for some disabled person’s food in the first place???!!! Talk about a friggin’ WASTE of MY hard-earned money!!! If anything good at all comes out of this shut down, it will be to expose the lazy bastards out there getting free food on OUR tax dollars!!!  Christ, this is NOT good.  See, if we just gassed and cremated ALL of these poor and disabled lazy bastards, we’d all have more $$ in our pockets.  And the air would smell better too because, let’s be honest, poor and disabled people STINK to high heaven.  Yuck.

IBTD1 For U.S. Senate

When I win my Senate race in 2020, I will have the political power to begin implementing my political agenda.  I’ve been getting positive support for my ideas from my Christian pals on the right and from conservatives in general throughout America.  I’m counting on most “regular” folks to not take me my agenda seriously and think I’m really no different from whichever liberal bastard I’ll run against in 2020.  It’s all the same.  It’s all the same.  It’s all the same.  If everyone repeats this ten times when they kinda get worried about my agenda, they’ll stop worryin’, and all will be the same.  All will be the same.  All will be the same.  Vote for Inspiredbythedivine1 in 2020.  Vote to end poverty by gassing and cremating the poor, and vote to finally bring a Christian theocracy into America as law.  $Amen$

 

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Governor Declares Wisconsin A Muslim State

Wisconsin Governor, Peter B. Slipperi

Wisconsin Governor, Peter B. Slipperi

Maidupville, Wisconsin.  In news today that is sure to ruffle the panties of many a Christian, Wisconsin Governor, Peter B. Slipperi declared Wisconsin a Muslim state. “I’m a Muslim,” said Governor Slipperi this morning, “and it is my right, and my duty, as a religious follower of Allah to ram my faith directly up the anuses of every man, woman, and child in Wisconsin. I’m hereby officially declaring Wisconsin a Muslim state.

Christian residents of the state must either convert to Islam or be expelled from their homes, and the state, permanently. Atheist residents will be burned, alive, at the stake for being, well, for being atheists. All Christian churches will be converted to mosques. Any church refusing to convert will be burned to the ground, its parishioners executed. Also, each brick of cheese made in the state must now be packaged with the following label:

Official Wisconsin Profession Of Faith

THIS CHEESE WAS MADE IN WISCONSIN

Conservative Americans have been screaming for a theocratic government where religion and law are one for quite some time now. Well, now, in Wisconsin at least, we have one. This order goes into effect today. I’ve replaced all state police with extremely angry and devoted ISIS members to help me enforce it. So, for your own good, do as you’re told. May Allah have mercy on those foolish enough to resist.”