St. Paul Cast In Avengers: Age Of Ultron

St. Paul With The Script To Avengers Movie

St. Paul With The Script To Age of Ultron

Stop Picking On Me, Shouts Thor

“Stop Picking On Me, St. Paul,” Shouts Thor

Marvel Studios and Heaven announced today that St. Paul, the dude who spread Christianity like butter during the first century, has been cast as a comedic nemesis to Thor in Avengers: Age of Ultron. “It’s gonna be great,” said St. Paul today. “It’s a HILARIOUS part I have.  I play myself and pop up at unexpected moments in the film to taunt Thor about the fact there’s only one god, and it’s Jesus, not him.  There’s a scene where Thor is doing his business in the bathroom and I enter the stall next to him.  I burst into this annoying song they wrote for me while I toss bibles over the top of the stall at him. He gets really pissed and calls his hammer which smashes down half the bathroom to get to him. Then I run away shouting that this is just the beginning of what I’m going to do to him. Funny, people, really funny stuff.  Oh, the song I sing is to the tune of If I Were A Rich Man and goes something like this: If I were a true man, tinkle winkle, tinkle winkle, tinkle winkle, tinkle wink.  All day long I’d say I’m not a god, and that I am a dirty, lying fink.”

Avengers: Age of Ultron opens on Friday, May 1st and is sure to be another hit for Marvel Studios, especially now that St. Paul is in it.

New Hero, Prurient Man, To Debut In Next Avengers Movie

“Prurient Man is gonna rock the world next summer when “Avengers: Age of Ultron” comes out,” said the film’s director, Joss Whedon, earlier today. “He’s like a cross between a sleazy strip club owner with yellow, rotting teeth and a really horned up Batman.

 Prurient Man, In Full Battle Gear, From The Back

Prurient Man, In Full Battle Gear, From The Back

His special power is to be so lurid and sexually inappropriate with any villain unfortunate enough to face him in a fight, the shame and revulsion the villain feels renders him completely powerless and emotionally crippled for life. To give fans an early teaser as to what they can expect from this new hero, here’s a bit of dialog between Prurient Man and Thor from when they first meet, early on in the film. BTW, we’re shooting for an NC17 rating on this film, so, please, stop reading right now if you’re not 17 or over. Thank you for your cooperation!”

Thor: So, mortal, Tony Stark tells me you sent 45 twelve-inch black dildos to his girlfriend, Pepper Potts, last night with a note reading, “Suck on these baby, for practice, cause tonight I’m bringing home the entire Oakland Raiders football team to fuck you in all your womanly orifices while I watch and stroke my dick. Love always, your man with the Iron Cock, Tony.” I fail to see the humor of such a prank, mortal. And frankly, the very sight of you makes me feel as if I’ve not bathe in a whole millennium.

Prurient Man: Thor, I must tell you, I’ve often fantasized about being tied, naked, and erect, to your mighty hammer, Mjolnir, while you, naked and wet from a long hot shower you’ve just shared with your brother, Loki, toss it around trying to, shall we say, toss me “off” before we gallantly go to lather and shave the privy parts of a truly incorrigible young, lady villain garbed only in a tattered pair of pink, crotchless panties and a thick, gold clit ring.

A Fully Dressed Thor With Mjolnir

A Fully Dressed Thor With Mjolnir

Thor: Odin’s beard, mortal! Do you have no shame? Still your foul tongue and say not another word, or I shall tear the accursed thing from your mouth and burn it to ash with lightning from Mjolnir!

That’s it folks. Sorry, but we gotta wait til next summer for more. However, Joss Whedon did assure us here at TACP that if you felt Prurient Man’s behavior was bad in this small scene, with a fellow hero, just wait til you see what’s in store for the villains of the film.