Once more, I find myself in deep agreement with perhaps the most brilliant mind of our time, Donald Trump. Trump wishes to place a ban on all Muslim immigration into the U.S. in order to “keep America safe from terror.” Well, I gotta admit, a better, more soundly thought out idea I’ve never heard. There are, however, two things that I think would make this brilliant idea even more brilliant.
1.) Let’s kick all Muslims who are currently in the U.S. out of it, and I mean all of them, regardless of whether or not they’re U.S. citizens. It’s the only real way we can know we’re safe from Islamic terror on our home soil. Anyone following a Holy Book and a god that preaches violence, hatred, revenge, and misogyny can not be trusted to be in America. How could any reasonable American disagree with this? They couldn’t. This, then, leads me to my second brilliance-increasing idea.
2.) Let’s kick out every Christian who currently resides in the U.S. and ban them from ever re-entering the country. Like Muslims, we simply can not trust Christians. They have a Holy Book filled with vile and disgusting commands from, essentially, the same god the Muslims follow. Christians have shown time and time again that their religion is a breeding ground for bigotry, pedophilia, murder, rape, revenge, and pure, unadulterated hatred. I certainly don’t feel safe around them. Do you? Of course you don’t. So, join with Donald Trump, and other highly intelligent Americans, in demanding Congress pass a law making the physical removal of all Christians and Muslims from the U.S. our number one priority. Only then will we be safe. Only then will we be able to say, finally, “We’ve won the war on terror! God bless America! And God bless freedom!”
Greetings to all infidels and defilers of Islamic law, my name is Admiral Taslim Ackbar, Killer of Infidels, and Allah has sent me to kill you. Allah has become increasingly sickened by the existence of Christians, Jews, a-theists, and every other infidel out there who refuses to accept that he is the one and ONLY true god there is. (Just as a side note, he is NOT angry with any infidel for dissing his prophet, Muhammad, at the moment. This is because Muhammad owes him a great deal of money from a bet he lost to him on the Super Bowl, and until it’s paid, Allah will act as if Muhammad doesn’t exist). However, Allah IS angry, beyond all words, by the arrogant disrespect infidels show him by choosing to be infidels in the first place. So, if you are an infidel, Allah wants you to know he hates you. He hates you SO much, in fact, that he’s proclaimed you must be executed as swiftly as possible for he can no longer stomach your existence. And he has chosen me, Admiral Taslim Ackbar, to be the vehicle through which this is accomplished.
Admiral Taslim Ackbar, Killer Of Infidels
However, before I bring Allah’s bloody vengeance down upon all infidels, I must first ask a question that I’ve pondered my whole life: How could any intelligent man chose NOT to be Muslim?! What an outstanding, manly religion Islam is! It has everything any male monotheist could ever ask for in an ancient, outdated, dogmatic belief system. Below are but a few of its more desirable qualities.
- Women are looked upon as evil temptresses in Islam and are considered to be no more than second, or even third-rate, pieces of property belonging to their husbands. They must keep their evil, temptress-like faces veiled at all times so men won’t be tempted to rape them. AND, now get this, if a man does happen to rape a woman, well, it’s simply seen as her own fault for not wearing the right veil or for having eyes that were just too seductive and evil for ANY man to resist. Now if that isn’t just about the best example of a win/win situation there is for a guy, I don’t know what is!
Like Muhammad, men can choose to marry, in certain advanced Muslim countries, girls under the age of 12. What adult male pedophile wouldn’t love this idea? No better way to train a woman to behave exactly the way you want her to than to start fuckin’ ‘er before she’s 12! That’s what I always say!
In many parts of the world, America in particular, religious “Faith” is given such a high degree of deference that you can do almost ANYTHING in its name and people will remain silent about it for fear of “offending” you. This serves Islamic bullies, like me, quite well. Being a killer of infidels, I appreciate not having my religious practices, which often involve public declarations of hate and threats of death against those Allah decrees I must abhor, questioned by anyone for fear they might offend me by doing so. Islam is a great religion if you love hating people openly as much as I do.
The last desirable quality of Islam I wish to tout here is this: No other religion, in the year 2015, can silence criticism of itself and its wrong doings as well as Islam does. Islam keeps artists, writers, actors, politicians, leaders of other religions, and even news reporters afraid to speak out against it. Through acts of horrific violence and threats of such violence against those who call into question just how miserable and completely fucked up Islam is, Islam continues to exist as the misogynistic, backward, fucked up, piece of shit “Faith” it is without the criticism it deserves. And once I kill all the infidels out there who question it, as Allah says I must, everyone in the world will be just like me. Doesn’t that just make you feel all bubbly and warm inside?