Slippery Slope Theory Confirmed By Legalization Of Gay Marriage In Illinios

A Christian Conservative's Nightmare Come True

A Christian Conservative Nightmare Come True

As Christian Conservatives and Tea Party members have been warning, the legalization of gay marriage has indeed proven to be a slippery slope leading to demands for the legalization of other forms of nontraditional sexual behavior, at least it has in Illinois. Just over a year after Illinois voted to make gay marriage legal, hundreds of thousands of people, paired with horses and other animals of various sizes, arrived at the doors of the State Capital demanding they be allowed to legally marry the animals they’ve been secretly fornicating with for years. “If Harry can marry Jim, and Sally can marry Susie, then why can’t I marry the man or woman I love, though they be a sheep?” said Peter P. Enis, spokesmen for the group, Animals Do It Better.

“We animal fornicators are happy the slope to human depravity has been so well lubricated for us by gay men and women seeking the legal benefits of marriage for themselves and their partners. Now we, too, are asking that the same benefits be given to us and our beloved cows, dogs, dingoes, horses, and ostriches. What’s wrong with that, I ask?”

The Tea Party responded to this development by stating it happened as a direct result of legalized gay marriage, Obama Care, and the continued denial by Democrats, Liberals, and Jews that Jesus truly does hate fags, and, occasionally, lesbians.

Slippery Slope: Best Argument Yet For Allowing Gay Marriage

Gay marriage opponents often point out that legalizing gay marriage would create a slippery slope which more acts of depravity would soon slide down. “Why not just allow people to marry and fuck animals then?” they argue. “If two men can marry, why then not 4 women, 4 men, a donkey, 3 black mambas and a fruit bat as well?” To these opponents of gay marriage I say, “Hell yes, bitches! Hell fuckin’ YES!!! Bring on the animal sex! So what?! Make gay marriage the law now!” What red-blooded American man out there hasn’t looked at the ass of a sheep and thought, “Man, I bet sticking my man-sausage into that piece of heaven would be divine?”

Whadda Ya Waitin' Fer Big Fella, Hop On Fer A Ride!

Whadda Ya Waitin’ Fer Big Fella, Hop On Fer A Ride!

And I’m bettin’ a lot of you animal fuckers out there would swoon at the chance to legally wed the sheep or zebra you swap body fluids with every night. Finally, you’d be able to share medical and dental insurance with the animal you most love.  So let the gays marry, and let the depravity slide on down. Meow!