Hey all, Jesus here. Every now and then I feel compelled to stop by and point out some of the ridiculous misconceptions people have developed about me over the millennia. First of all, I’m NOT a Northern, European white dude with blue eyes. I’m black and I’m proud, folks. Get it right. Please. And WTF’s up with Catholic priests molesting kids and the Church covering for them? Where in My Own Name did you all get the idea that that’s OK? STOP IT!!! Man, that sh*t disgusts me. Also, what’s with the weird outfits most priests wear? You folks turn me into a white dude in your representations of me, then dress in black outfits to…what…morn the fact you’ve tried to steal my ethnicity from me? Cut it out, already. Just wear some decent leisure clothes and stop raping kids, and you’ll come across just fine. Is that too hard to do?
Lastly, for now, let me address young earth creationists and others who take the Bible literally. ARE YOU NUTS?! It’s 2017 for My Own sake! Get a f**kin’ education. Yeah, it’s hard. Yeah, it takes time and great effort, and yes, you’re going to learn that sometimes your opinions on things are not only wrong but outright ludicrous, but in the end, you’ll be glad you did it. Your overwhelming sense of self-righteousness in the face of a plethora of evidence showing you just how wrong your bronze-age beliefs are will be replaced with the calm, reassuring knowledge that no, we don’t have all the answers to life’s big questions but we’re good people anyway and lucky to be alive. It’s easier to live that way. OK? Now, bugger off. It’s Sunday, and I’ve got to decide which American football teams I want to win today.
This recent U.N. report on the Vatican’s despicable, decades long, behavior in its handling of little boy priest rapists is one the Church needed to take humbly, with the utmost respect and seriousness. UN report urges Vatican to act over child sex abuse | euronews, world news
Of course, true to form, they didn’t. Instead, they attacked the U.N. report for what they claim is an “unfair” and “distorted” portrayal of the Church. Vatican calls UN child abuse report ‘distorted’ and ‘unfair’ | euronews, world news
Here’s my distorted and very fair response to the Catholic Church: FUCK YOU! Really fellas, fuck you! Every damn Cardinal, Bishop, and Pope who’s ever been involved in the moving of child rapist priests from one unsuspecting community to another needs to be charged with crimes against humanity and imprisoned til the flesh rots from their bones. The Church needs to be forcibly liquidated: its great wealth then given to the victims of the child predators it has so ubiquitously created and protected all these years. Period. End of the fucking story.
Catholic Church Is Evil, Baby, Says Satan.
It is time we, as a species of cognitive creatures, place the well-being of our children above our deference for organized religions and their insipid, insulting concept that invisible realms and beings are more important than the one’s that exist right here, right now. I’m sick of hearing how children are considered to be valued above all else in our society when it is damn clear they most definitely are not. Deference to invisible deities and those institutions that promote their ultimate importance over reality are what we hold most sacred as a society. If our children were as important as we claim they are, their value to us would supersede all else. ALL else. And fuck anyone who tries to argue to the contrary. The reality of what we, as a society, have allowed the Catholic Church to get away with, right in front of our eyes, for decades, annihilates any such argument before it can even begin. Enough already.
Non-Believe It Or Else: A-theist Mega Church
A member of the “Non-Believe It Or Else” a-theist Mega Church in Corpus Christi, Texas today said God was a bigot and discriminates horribly against a-theists, even though he does not exist. “God’s non-existence does not excuse his treatment of a-theists,” said Joe Asinine, cannibal and head chef for the “Non-Believe It Or Else” restaurant and grill. “He allows Catholic Priests to rape little boys while the hierarchy of the Catholic Church moves them from one unknowing parish to another, thus allowing the rape to continue; yet, somehow, the Catholic Church, as an institution, has not been held accountable for doing this. Well, we a-theists want the SAME deal for our church leaders that they have! What, did you think JUST because someone’s a leader in an a-theist church they don’t crave the pleasure and power-rush of raping a child just as much as Catholic Priests do? Shit, if the a-theist leaders of a-theist Mega Churches were raping their child members and got caught, Christians would burn them alive for it. They sure as shit wouldn’t show them any special deference. Hell, Christians hate us just because we don’t believe in their particular god (and occasional eat their young). Imagine they’re feelings if we tossed some a-theist-leadership child-rapists into the mix as well, ouch!
Atheist Rapists Want The Same Deference This Priest Rapist Gets
BIGOTS! They’re fucking BIGOTS! And they’re non-existent god is as bigoted as they are for allowing them the deference to rape kids unheeded by the laws of man, while denying us the same deference simply because we know he isn’t real. This is the non-existent nothingness that is god fucking with our rape-rights to fresh child-meat, and it’s NOT FAIR!!! Damn it! An a-theist child rapist who wants access to little boy ass, along with freedom from any serious retributions, would have to force himself to fake a belief in Jesus in order to become a rapist Catholic Priest. I truly resent people not granting the a-theist rapist members of my Mega Church the same deference they do Catholic Priest rapists simply because they do not believe in Jesus. This shows just how bigoted god and Christians truly are against a-theists. We can’t even get a break when we rape kids like they do. And that is bullshit, man. Pure and simple.”