Nuttylady Town, Alaska. Sarah Palin today, after blaming President Obama for the PTSD which supposedly made her son beat up his girlfriend, claimed the best way to end PTSD is to increase the number of wars America is involved in. “If President Obama weren’t such a sissy, and black, we’d have destroyed ISIS already,” Governor Palin said earlier. “He’s so weak, he’s practically a girl. I happen to have the personal addresses of every ISIS member in the world. I’ve offered to give these to President Obama on the condition he carpet bomb the cities where the addresses are located. Instead of taking me up on this offer, Obama suggested I needed serious psychiatric help. What an effeminate, liberal, black guy. We’ll never end the PTSD that caused my son, who never saw combat, BTW, to beat the shit out of his girlfriend until we bomb the crap out of most of the world. The only country that matters anywhere, is America. That’s what Jesus said when he and our founding fathers wrote the U.S. Constitution sometime in the early 1950’s, and that’s the only reality I see. Screw liberals, screw black guys who are President, and screw anyone who doesn’t want to bomb the fuck outta shit!!!! AAAAAAHHH!!!”
Tag Archives: Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin Endorses Donald Trump
Celebrity Bible Reviews
Here are some celebrity reviews of The Bible I recently found in The New York Times.
1.) This book is AWESOME. There’s killing for the Lord, genocide in his name, infanticide, glorification of slavery, and enough misogynistic rhetoric to make any man with a small dick feel strong. I highly recommend reading it and using it to guide your life. Donald Trump
2.) This book sucks. It’s completely unbelievable. There’s a part where a “virgin” gets pregnant, tells her husband, “God did it,” and he believes her. Yeah. Right. Blow me. Pope Francis
3.) This book has gore, violence, and horror in it. I’ve never read a piece of literature filled with such a lust for blood. It needs to be BANNED from our schools and homes. It’s anti-American. Wait…I was thinking of The Koran. The Bible is not like that at all. Never mind. Sarah Palin
4.) Brilliant book on truth, science, and reality. I never knew the Earth was only 6000 years old until I read this gem of intellectual wisdom. Republican Presidential Candidate, Ben Carson.
5.) I LOVED this book. It has sex in it. Former President, Bill Clinton.
Unique And Fascinating Animals
Fourth Moon of Yavin. World renowned animal photographer, Sir Diddle MeDickie, stopped by our Moscow office earlier today to show us photographs he’d taken of some very unique and fascinating animals. We present them below for your perusal.
1.) Our first pic is of Sarah Palin’s pet cat. Palin’s the ex-Alaskan Governor who resigned because she found running Alaska to be too difficult, just in case you’ve forgotten.
2.) Here’s a picture of two Democratic pussies.
3.) Next we have a photo that shows it isn’t only humans who have the right to “stand their ground” at any cost.
4.) Now for a lovely shot that Sir Diddle MeDickie took on election night in America last November.
5.) Lastly, we have this very sweet photo of a deeply religious animal practicing its faith.
TACP’S Top Ten 2014 Predictions
Forgot to do this earlier in the week, but I predicted last year that this would happen, so it simply adds to my confirmation bias that I’m an infallible genius because I said so. Anyway, I am an excellent psychic because I am a man of Faith. The one true Faith: Mine. Here are my predictions for 2014 which will happen, and if they don’t, I’ll say they did anyway and those who doubt me will be dubbed Faithless, a-theist bastards. And all Faithless, a-theist bastards will be burned at the stake for doubting me. Faith, my friends, is all you need.
The President will chastise the Nobel Prize Committee for not yet awarding me my Nobel Prize. He will then give me my own drone to intimidate them with until they do.
Ken Ham will kick Bill Nye’s ass during their debate forcing the ghost of Christopher Hitchens to return from the dead and drag Ken Ham back with him into Hell.
PZ Myers will be outed as a clown school drop out who’s only major accomplishment in life was to learn his ABC’s correctly way back in the 1st grade.
Tea Party members will continue to be rich, white, Christian, and irritating. However, those in the party owning guns, will all accidentally shoot themselves in the right foot during a routine barrel cleaning and proclaim, “Good God! Liberals have rigged my weapon to attack me somehow!”
Man-induced global warming will continue to increase until new strands of flesh-eating bacteria all but wipe out humanity. This will induce Republicans to proclaim,” Good God! Liberals have created new strands of flesh-eating bacteria and released them on us!”
Mitt Romney will still be pissed off about the election he lost to a black man.
Little boy Catholic priest rapists will be accused of embezzling funds from the Vatican bank prompting authorities to finally admit there is a definite problem in the Catholic Church with little boy priest rapists.
Sarah Palin will be abducted by a Yeti in Alaska and disappear for 9 months. When found, it will be learned she has become the proud mother of Yeti twins, a boy and a girl.
Jesus will return to Earth and slap the shit out of Christian religious leaders; he’ll then return to Heaven without once having uttered a single word.
Theology will be banned as an academic study and those seeking to study it will be placed in an empty, pitch-black room and told if they can find the raccoon in it, they can get some candy and go to heaven.