In case anyone is concerned with my day-to-day activities, and who, for Christ’s sake isn’t, I’ve recently offered to make a plea deal with Robert Mueller and give him everything I know about Donald Trump and Russia. He told me, “No way, pal,” since I’ve not been charged with anything, and, in reality, have absolutely NOTHING to do with Trump OR Russia. This is kind of a bummer as I’d hoped to make a deal were I could be relocated to Hawaii and be surrounded by beautiful women agents who’d do anything I asked them to until my dying day. Oh, well, what can ya do, eh? Welp, I’m off to write threatening letters to members of the Nobel Prize Committee for STILL not recognizing my self-awarded Nobel Prize. $Amen$
I called Robert Mueller’s office this morning to make a plea agreement with him on the Trump/Russia case. The woman who answered the phone refused to let me talk to Mr. Mueller because I’m not in any way connected to Trump or anyone else involved in the case. After I swore at her and insulted her lineage, she hung up on me. I called back and told her if she continued to refuse to let me speak to Mueller I’d prank call her and all of her family every day for the next ten years. She hung up on me again and now, wait til you hear this, a cop just came to my door with a restraining order ordering me to never call Mueller’s office or this woman again. Unreal! The persecution I face every day for being a self-awarded Nobel Prize winner is sickening. I’m not going to let this rest. Believe you me, I’ll have my vengeance on Mueller for ignoring me and this woman for hanging up on me if it’s the last thing I ever do! I’m not sure yet how to go about it without getting arrested, but as soon as I figure something out, I’ll let everyone know. Until then, remember, it’s now summertime in Australia, so not all is bad.