This had me laughing so hard I peed a little. Spot on satire. NOW That’s What I Call Racist
Tag Archives: racism
Famous Non-Racists From History
As President Donald Trump has repeatedly stated, he is the MOST non-racist person any one could ever meet. Who are we to doubt ’em, eh? What many people don’t know, however, is that many other non-racist people have held powerful positions throughout history. Here are but a few.
1.)
The great Julius Caesar said this as he first entered Gaul: “I’m not a racist! I’m not killing and enslaving millions of you Gauls because of your race. I merely want your country, and you are resisting me. But truly, I’m NOT doing this because of your race. Again, I’m NOT a racist. I’m more non-racist than any other conquer you’ll ever meet. Really, I am. Really.”
2.)
Charlemagne was known to say this of the pagans he was converting to Christianity: “Stories about my racism are greatly exaggerated. Yes, I’m traveling into non-Christian areas and killing pagans who will not convert. BUT, I’m NOT killing them based on their race. They only die if they won’t convert, and this is a good thing. Non-Christians are the bane of existence and viewed by the All Loving Jesus as horrid wretches who deserve painful deaths and an eternity of suffering in Hell. So, as you can see, I’m very, very non-racist. OK?”
3.)
Martin Luther very simply once said of Jews, “I don’t hate Jews because I’m a racist. I hate them because they’re nasty, evil, conniving little shits who don’t believe in Jesus. I rest my case.”
4.)
And finally, the biggest non-racist in history, next to Donald Trump that is, Adolph Hitler had this to say on racism: “Never in the history of humanity has there been a more non-racist person than me. I love ALL people. Do I love Jews? Of course not. Why? Because they’re not people. They’re animals. Thus, in light of this fact, I’m not racist and have never hurt another human being in any way, ever. Really, I haven’t. I mean that. You believe me, right?”
Trump Claims Solar Eclipse Racist Against Whites
Solar Eclipse Is Prejudice Against Whites, Says President Trump
Golf Town, USA. President Trump said today that the only reason the solar eclipse is popular is because it’s black. “This is racism against whites, pure and simple,” Trump said earlier. “If the solar eclipse were white, no one would even bother to mention it, much less look at it. What, do white eclipse lives NOT matter? Must an eclipse be black in order for people to care about it? Utter and complete racism. It’s sickening how the fake, liberal media and the anti-fascists are going on about today’s eclipse. ‘Oh, look how cool it is,’ they say. ‘It’s just SO awesome and amazing!’ I’ve had enough. I’m going to go have some ice cream and watch Fox News, the only news station not covering this despicably racist event. Goodbye and Sieg Heil.”
Just In Time For Christmas, The Get Whitey Video Game
Help A Giant Monster Eat These White Males: Play, Get Whitey, This Christmas
Are you tired of whining white males and their ridiculous love of bigotry, misogyny, and xenophobia? Do you wish you could send a large green monster to chase them around the cities of America and eat them? Well, then, we’ve got just the video game for you: Get Whitey. Get Whitey was designed by dozens of minority groups who’ve been shut out, ridiculed, and marginalized over the centuries by white males who feel they’re entitled to own the world simply because they are, indeed, white males. Just plug your Get Whitey video game into your gaming console or computer and you’ll have hours of fun chasing white males all throughout America as a giant, green monster who just loves to eat them.
The Whitey Ain’t All That video game company is proud to release this fun new game just in time for Christmas. Buy one now for just $77.98, and we’ll toss in a free can of White Male Repellent pepper spray absolutely free. Like it says on the can, “When Whitey tries to grab you by the pussy, one spray of this stops ’em dead in his tracks.” So buy now while supplies last, and remember, Christmas doesn’t have to be white to be great.
Pepe The Frog: Black Friday Is Insulting To Whites
“Hey, man,” says Pepe the Frog, “Why ain’t Black Friday called White Friday?”
Tadpole Town, Oklahoma. Spokesman and symbol for the Alt Right movement, Pepe the Frog, said today it is highly racist and insulting to call the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday. “It feels bad, man,” Pepe said earlier. “Why ain’t the day after Thanksgiving called White Friday? Somethin’ wrong with the color white? Oh, wait! Of course there is. White is the color of the most horribly maligned and abused men in America: xenophobic, racist, misogynistic bigots. What the hell gives people the right to frown on a group of white dudes simply because they’re misogynists, bigots and racists? Prick these men and will they not bleed? Call them names and will they not cry? Give them a black President and will they not feel marginalized and outraged? They are but human, and it’s time they were treated that way.
Every year these poor men must endure the blatant horror that is the day after Thanksgiving: Black Friday. Well, I say enough. Now that we have an orange President who understands the trauma these men have suffered under the color of Barrack Obama’s skin for 8 years, it’s time to do right by ’em and re-name Black Friday, White Friday. Black has had its time in the sun. It’s time to send it back to the 18th century so that the better color, white, can once again dominate every facet of the American life. And what better way is there to help do this then by re-naming Black Friday, White Friday? None that I can think of, that’s for sure.”
New Study Shows White Supremacists Have Tiny Penises
Professor James Smartman Of The University Of Chicago
Chicago, Illinois. The results of a study conducted by Professor James Smartman, head of the genetics department at the University of Chicago, show what many intelligent humans have always suspected, males of the white supremacist race have extremely tiny penises. “It’s true,” Professor Smartman said earlier. “All of the white supremacist men who took part in this study had penises no longer or thicker than the pubic hair surrounding them. It was, to be honest, very difficult not to laugh at these poor, pathetic creatures as I studied their tiny willies. How this particular group of humans can procreate when the males of the species have such minute genitalia is beyond me. But, unfortunately for the rest of us, they’ve found a way. They’re also not the smartest apples hanging on the homo sapien tree. To get them to participate in this study, all I had to do was offer them a free six-pack and an Uncle Adolph Hitler plush toy. They were happy to let me measure their penises whilst they drank beer, belched, and played with good ole Uncle Adolph. I’ll next be conducting a study to determine whether or not white supremacists have testicles because, to be honest, I didn’t see any while I was digging through their pubes looking for their penises.”
Trump Supporters In Action
I’ve very few words for this New York Times compilation video showing Trump supporters spewing hatred at his rallies over the past year. I hope the GOP is proud of the Presidential candidate its voting base has elected. I’ve issues with Hillary Clinton, many, but I seriously doubt people are shouting racial slurs, misogynistic rhetoric and threats to kill Mexican people and Trump, at her rallies. This video is a must see. What a shameful time to be an American. VIEW VIDEO
The Arm Chair Pontificator 