Christmas Wishes From The Prophet Mohammad

Hoping you and yours have a very blessed and Merry Christmas. Love Always, The Prophet Mohammad

Wishing you and yours a very blessed and Merry Christmas. Love Always, The Prophet Mohammad

Santa’s Workshop, North Pole.   The Prophet Mohammad appeared on TV this morning with a red beard to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.  “I love Christmas,” Mohammad said.  “You get lots of cool gifts; eat lots of food, and sing awesome, fun songs.  What’s not to like?  Oh, if anyone wants to get me a gift, I’d love one of those remote control BB8 droids from the new Star Wars movie.  I love that little fella.   Have a great Christmas everyone.  Allahu Akbar”

Governor Declares Wisconsin A Muslim State

Wisconsin Governor, Peter B. Slipperi

Wisconsin Governor, Peter B. Slipperi

Maidupville, Wisconsin.  In news today that is sure to ruffle the panties of many a Christian, Wisconsin Governor, Peter B. Slipperi declared Wisconsin a Muslim state. “I’m a Muslim,” said Governor Slipperi this morning, “and it is my right, and my duty, as a religious follower of Allah to ram my faith directly up the anuses of every man, woman, and child in Wisconsin. I’m hereby officially declaring Wisconsin a Muslim state.

Christian residents of the state must either convert to Islam or be expelled from their homes, and the state, permanently. Atheist residents will be burned, alive, at the stake for being, well, for being atheists. All Christian churches will be converted to mosques. Any church refusing to convert will be burned to the ground, its parishioners executed. Also, each brick of cheese made in the state must now be packaged with the following label:

Official Wisconsin Profession Of Faith

THIS CHEESE WAS MADE IN WISCONSIN

Conservative Americans have been screaming for a theocratic government where religion and law are one for quite some time now. Well, now, in Wisconsin at least, we have one. This order goes into effect today. I’ve replaced all state police with extremely angry and devoted ISIS members to help me enforce it. So, for your own good, do as you’re told. May Allah have mercy on those foolish enough to resist.”

Saint Paul VS Mohammad: A Battle To The Death, Sunday On Fox

Fox News announced this morning that Saint Paul, creator of Christianity, and Mohammad, creator of Islam, will fight to the death this Sunday at 8PM on the patio of Todd’s Crawdad Emporium in South Bend, Indiana.”We’ll be broadcasting the event live,” said Fox News Sports anchor, Gary Dobsinskiebergstein.

 I've Added A Few Things. Makes It Read Better

I’ve Altered A Few Things To Make It Read Better

“Of course, we here at Fox are hoping St. Paul kills Mohammad and very, very slowly, too, because he’s Islamic. We here at Fox News are Christians, and we bask in the light of Jesus’ love for us and those exactly like us. Thus, we hate Islamic people because they deny the divinity of Jesus, the guy Paul said was God, a really long time ago, and people just took his word for it. I personally hope Paul flays the bastard, slowly, keeping the skin intact in one piece. That way, Paul can mock Mohammad even further by wearing his flesh as he disembowels him, fries his intestines in a pan, and shoves them into his mouth while shouting, ‘Doesn’t pig taste delicious, you fucking Muslim dog!’

Hey Guys, Why'd Mohammad Tie Her Head To His Horse's?

Say Guys, Why’d Mohammad Tie that Head To His Horse?

After Mohammad has finished eating, Paul can reach into his chest, tear out his beating heart, toss it onto the floor, and stomp it into a bloody pancake before flushing it down the toilet. Finally, after Mohammad’s body is quartered and given to atheists to eat, Saint Paul can say mass. We all can share in the glory of Christ’s love for us by consuming his flesh and drinking his blood. That’s what we here at Fox News hope happens. But if, for some God awful reason, Mohammad gets the upper hand on Paul and kills him, the Fox News team will tear him into bloody pieces with our bare hands. We’ve done it before, and if need be, we’ll do it again. So be sure and watch Sunday. You’ll regret it if you don’t, especially if you love Jesus like we do.”