Tag Archives: President Trump

09.19.20
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President Trump Officially Changes Title To Princess Trump

President Trump signed an executive order today officially changing his title from “President” to “Princess”. “Princess is what Vladimir Putin calls me when we are being intimate together in private,” Princess Trump said after signing the order,”and since I love it SO much when he does, as it makes me feel so dainty and feminine, I now insist that EVERYONE call me Princess, rather than President, Trump. In reality, I do behave much more like a spoiled princess than a manly president, so I see no one disagreeing with my decision to do this. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go out and shop for a nice pink nightgown and red bunny slippers so I can wear them when I walk around the White House in the wee small hours of the morning.”

04.29.18
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And Now, A Few Words From Trump Supporters A.K.A. Snowflakes

We are angry, angry snowflakes!  Our hero, Donald Trump, is made fun of on TV and by comedians every day, and we DO NOT LIKE IT!!!!  It isn’t FAIR!!!  WAAAAA!!  It isn’t RIGHT!!!!  WAAAA!!!  How DARE people make fun of Donald!!!  HE doesn’t do stuff like that to other people, does he?! !  WAAAA!!!!  Our feelings are hurt!!!!!  WAAAA!!! S TOP mocking Donald or we’ll keep crying about how nasty it is!!!!  WAAAAAA!!!!!!  We no like it!

 

I agree with my fellow snowflakes!!!  Do you have any idea how awful it is to go through your day while people mock Donald Trump, the world’s most emphatic President, ever?  Do you have ANY idea what that’s like?!  DO YOU???!! WAAAAA!!!  WAAAAA!!!  It’s making us melt!!!! We’re far too sensitive for this!  WAAAA!!! STOP IT!!!!  You mother mockers are bad, bad people!  What about OUR feelings, huh?  What about US!!!!  WAAAAAA!!!!! WAAAAA!!!! Please stop mocking Donald!!  We DO NOT like it!!! WAAAAA!!!!

 

As a snowflake who LITERALLY worships the ground Donald Trump walks on, all I can say to you people who speak poorly of this lovely man is this: WAAAAAA!!! WAAAAAA!!! WAAAAAA!!!  STOP IT!!!  You’re hurting our feelings!!!  The sensitive membranes of our eardrums can’t stand it any more!!!  STOP MOCKING DONALD!!! please?  ok?  i asked nice.   WAAAAAA!!!

 

Look, I’m not gonna cry about how deeply my feelings are offended by the nasty, non-pussy grabbing no-good-nicks out there who find it necessary to say bad things about Donald Trump and the snowflakes, like me, who adore him.  You’re making us feel bad.  So…no! NO!! NO!!  I promised I wouldn’t cry, and by the power of Russia, I won’t! No!! sniff….. NO!!  sniff, sniff…. No!!!  I refuse!  sniff…..WAAAAAA!!! WAAAAAA!!!! WAAAAA!!!!  Oh, fuck it!  I’ve gotta cry.  I can’t help it!  WAAAA!!  My feelings are hurt just TOO much. WAAAAA!!!  WAAAAA!!!  Please stop mocking Donald! PLEASE!!!  I’m BEGGING you!!!!   WAAAAA!!! WAAAAAA!!!!

08.01.17
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Trump Fires Ivanka; Hires Rudy Giuliani As Daughter

President Trump’s New Daughter, Rudy Giuliani

‘Lil Hands, Iowa.   In stunning news today, even for the Trump White House, President Trump announced he has fired his daughter Ivanka from the job of being his daughter, supposedly over “creative differences,” and replaced her with former New York City Mayor, Rudy Giuliani.   “I’m both honored and flattered that President Trump has decided to hire me as his new daughter,” Giuliani said earlier.  “I’ve always dreamed of a day when I might be a blushing wife married to a handsome man like Jared Kushner.   I promise to be as faithful and honest to him as I will be to my new pops, Donald Trump.   Ivanka was a beautiful woman, but, apparently, she was not a very loyal daughter, a mistake I vow never to make.   Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to pick out a dress to wear tonight.  I’m having dinner with Donald and Melania and I want to look my best!”   *As a side note, Jared Kushner has thus far refused to comment on this stupendously unusual occurrence.