Trump To Enact Pilgrim Travel Ban

Pilgrims Like These Will Soon Be Banned From Entering America

Plymouth Rock, Massachusetts.    Donald Trump today announced he is implementing a pilgrim travel ban that will go into effect the day before Thanksgiving.   “Look,” President Trump said earlier, “we all can agree that the original pilgrims who came to America were bad hombres.   Our great nation has not been the same since their arrival.  When rapists and genocidal maniacs are allowed to enter a country, nothing good can come from it.  Thus, I’m enacting a pilgrim travel ban to stop any future pilgrims from entering and polluting our country like the first pilgrims did back in the day.   I’m also calling for a great big wall to be built all around America to detour any pilgrims from trying to illegally enter the country and sell drugs to our children.   Thanksgiving is a day for Americans to celebrate American values and eat turkey.  It is NOT a day to celebrate pilgrims and the anti-American sentiments they represent.   The ban will go into effect on midnight the day before Thanksgiving.   If anyone sees any pilgrims after the ban goes into effect, please notify your local authorities so they can be promptly arrested and sent back to whatever rock it is they crawled out from.  Happy Thanksgiving, and may the all-loving arms of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, keep you and your family safe and free of pilgrims throughout this holiday season.”

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