Former Pope, Benedict, Now Sheikh Allah BaBa BooBoo
Shitland, Ohio. Hello to all my fans! This is Sheikh Allah BaBa BooBoo, formerly know as Pope Benedict XVI. I’ve noticed many of you have shown an interest in me and my decision to convert to Islam so that I could wed the love of my life, a 12-year-old girl-child whose name embarrassingly alludes me at the moment.
Allah BaBa BooBoo’s 4th wife, Ms. “Hey-You-Get-The-Fuck-Over-Here-Now-“
Well, you’ll be happy to know that not only do I now belong to a true monotheistic religion, there is NO god but Allah, I’m happily married to not one but 5 brides all under the age of 13! I can’t tell you what country I’m in, for fear the parents of my brides might track me down and do horrible things to me, but I can tell you I’m quite sexually satiated and at peace with God (and the laws of the country where I live). It is a true blessing not to have to explain that Christian nonsense about 3 being 1 anymore. No one is that stupid, and Christians embarrass themselves every time the topic comes up.
Young Bride-Beater Bullwhip
I get up each morning and have 5 very young brides hopping about doing whatever I demand of them. And I truly believe that, though they may feel they MUST do as I demand because of the large bull whip I use on them when they don’t, they do the things I demand out of a deep love and respect they have for me, Sheikh Allah BaBa BooBoo. Life is good, my friends. The key to being happy, I’ve found, is living in a country where your particular sexual fetish isn’t just accepted, it’s considered the will of God that you act upon it. I’ll check back soon. Bye til then, Sheikh Allah BaBa BooBoo
Former Pope, Benedict, As he Looks Today
Unbelievableville, New Jersey. News out of the Middle East today is that former Pope, Benedict, has converted to Islam in order to wed a 12-year-old girl he first saw while on vacation in Orlando this past winter. “I saw her coming off the ‘It’s A Small World’ ride at Disney World and knew I had to have her,” said Benedict, who now calls himself Sheikh Allah BaBa BooBoo. “My mind immediately began to race toward ways I could possess a young girl both legally and morally, and I decided the best way would be to convert to Islam, kidnap the child, take her to a country run by fanatical Muslim idealists, and marry the bitch there. That’s exactly what I did, too. And there ain’t a fuckin’ thing anyone can do or say about it because my faith allows my disgusting behavior. And, since the world gives religion a blind deference, you can just piss off if you don’t like it.” It is not known which Muslim country Sheikh BaBa BooBoo is living in, but President Obama released a statement today claiming his hands were tied in this matter due to it being a religious issue and imaginary, invisible beings were involved that could send him to Hell if he angered them by interfering.
Because It Feels Good, Says The Vatican
Vatican City, Rome. Vatican spokesman, Cardinal Bob Onboidick, said today that priests not only rape children because it feels good, but because they know they can almost always get away with it. “Look,” said Cardinal Onboidick this morning, “placing your penis into a child’s orifice, any orifice, feels WONDERFUL! But doing it to a child who trusts you as God’s representative on Earth, well, that feeling is indescribable to anyone who isn’t in a position to abuse a child in such a way. And, I gotta tell you, knowing that the hierarchy of the Catholic Church will bend over backwards to hide and protect us after we’ve been accused of raping children, just makes raping them all the more desirable.
Cardinal Bob Onboidick Stalks His Prey
We priests receive an amazing amount of undeserved deference from our followers just because we’ve convinced them Jesus is a real dude and we personally have a connection to him. Why not take advantage of that and rape their children when they entrust them into our care? We absolutely LOVE it! We’ve been raping children, and being excused for it, for well over a thousand years now, and we see no reason to stop. The Catholic Church is a religion: a faith-based organization that can not be touched by the normal laws of man because humans think invisible, non-existent deities are far more important than the orifices of their very own offspring. We, at the Vatican, want to thank the followers of Jesus for allowing us the continued opportunity to fuck their children. We like it, and we’ve no intention of ever stopping. Thank you once again, and please, don’t forget to give money to your local Church during mass this Sunday. Amen.”
That Big, Purple Lollipop Is For You Timmy. Just Come A Bit Closer And Put It In Your Mouth
Catholic Church Claims It Can Refuse To Pay Victims Of Sex Abuse Because Of Religious Freedom | ThinkProgress
Jesus Telling Two Child Rape Victims To Forgive Their Rapist
Jesus, that wacky, hard to reach all-caring god, offered his solution today to the problem of pedophile rapist priests in the Catholic Church. “Look,” Jesus said,” let’s get one thing straight first: no one’s perfect. We need to forgive these poor priests and continue to secretly relocate them each time they are accused of little boy rape because, well, it’s stressful to be accused of little boy rape, even when it’s true. Also, by putting focus on priests who prey on and rape little boys, we take the focus off the REAL problems corrupting the world today: Gays getting married and gays existing in the first place. There would be no little boy rapist priests if there where no gays to begin with. Kill the problem at the source I say. Abort any fetus and kill any infant that has ANY statistical probability of turning out gay. A mother who likes musical theater, for example, is FAR more likely to produce a male child who’ll like it too. And EVERYONE knows that men who like musical theater focus on cocks the way cats focus on mice. Kill ’em in the womb, baby! Nothing immoral about abortion then, I say. As for adult men who suck the cocks of other men, they should be flayed alive and fed to the poor. Two problems are solved there.
Remember, though it may hard to do at first, that gays are the real problem with just about everything wrong in the world today. They are demons, not the Catholic Cardinals who shelter little boy rapist priests nor the little boy rapist priests themselves. That’s my word for today. Thank you, and please, remember, NEVER fuck anyone you haven’t wed through the Catholic Church and NEVER use birth control. Amen.
Note: Here is a link to a legitimate website which lists known pedophile rapist priests and other rapists working in the Catholic Church throughout America. Priest Search