Colon City, Nebraska. Scientists at NASA are reporting a worldwide increase in farting as the US Presidential election draws near. “I was in Montreal yesterday,” said NASA scientist Billy “The Nebula” Sunspot. “And the air there was so rancid from all the farting I thought I was going to lose my eyesight. Every person I passed let out an enormous fart. The same phenomena has been reported to be happening all over the globe. People are afraid to leave their homes for fear they’ll pass out from the stench of the farts that they themselves are contributing to. The only logical reason for this, we scientists at NASA have concluded, is the gastrointestinal distress the citizens of the earth are experiencing due to the upcoming US election. We can offer only this advice to a world of people suffering from constant farting and fart-induced nasal trauma: It’s almost over. Two more days, and it’ll be finished. So, just be patient, and soon, the world will return to place where people fart only occasionally and not all at once.”
Immaterial City, Louisianan. In stunning news today, Creationist and boys gym instructor, Arnold B. Crappin released a statement saying he’s proven science is stupid and only an idiot would think otherwise. “Science is not only the tool of Satan,” Mr. B. Crappin said this morning, “it’s an outright fabricated bunch of poo-poo. I have undeniable proof of this in the fabricated, photo-shopped pictures of “Pluto” NASA has recently released. NASA claims a spacecraft swooped by Pluto and took the picture below.
Creationism has finally found the last nail to drive into the casket of the stupid bologna known as science. The above picture is so OBVIOUSLY fake, it is almost laughable. It is very clearly a photo-shopped, and badly photo-shopped at that, picture of an egg that the ding-bats at NASA want us to believe is Pluto. Do they REALLY expect normal, intelligent Christians to believe a “spacecraft” flew through space for nine years to take this picture? How bloody stupid do they think we are? Not even God could create a ship that could do that. It is just ignorant and rude to think otherwise.
As final proof the pictures NASA is releasing are fake, I present the following photograph of the REAL Pluto.
Oopszilla, NASA! You’ve been caught with your lying pants down this time. EVERYONE knows the REAL Pluto is Mickey Mouse’s dog and lives with him in Disney Land, not a planetoid floating around in space billions of miles away. The evidence I’ve presented here is irrefutable proof that science is a lie and full of poo-poo. If you think otherwise, well….well, you’re a stupid, unimaginative atheist. ‘Nuff said.”