Spoiler Alerts For The Near Future

spoileralert

As many of the 700 million followers of this blog know, I’m able to see the future.  Therefor, I’ve decided to share with my readers a few spoilers of what’s soon to come.

1.)  Aquaman will drown because his ability to breath underwater will vanish on March 13th, 2018 while he’s collecting seashells in the deep Atlantic.

2.)  Bernie Sanders will convert to Catholicism and be named Pope on June 3rd, 2017.

3.)  Thomas Jefferson will return from the dead and tell Congress to go fuck itself for screwing up the Federal Government as badly as it has on January 19th, 2019.

4.)  Aliens from the Andromeda galaxy will arrive on Earth on December 2nd, 2020 to disassemble the pyramids in Egypt and to try pizza for the first time.

5.)  Citizens of Italy will wake up on July 22nd, 2019 speaking French instead of Italian.  Also, they will no longer remember how to make a decent lasagna.

6.)  Evangelical Christians will stop worrying about gay people and gay marriage and instead focus only on bettering themselves and solving their own, personal issues on…..Naw, I’m just fuckin’ with y’all.  We all know this will NEVER happen.

7.)  Santa Claus will shave his beard and reveal himself to be Brad Pitt on Christmas Eve, 2021.

8.)  And, lastly, for now, on April 23rd, 2017, Mickey and Minnie Mouse will announce they’ve just gotten married and are expecting a litter of nine to be born by the end of the month.

Creationist Proves Science Full Of Poo-Poo

Immaterial City, Louisianan.     In stunning news today, Creationist and boys gym instructor, Arnold B. Crappin released a statement saying he’s proven science is stupid and only an idiot would think otherwise.  “Science is not only the tool of Satan,” Mr. B. Crappin said this morning, “it’s an outright fabricated bunch of poo-poo.  I have undeniable proof of this in the fabricated, photo-shopped pictures of “Pluto” NASA has recently released.  NASA claims a spacecraft swooped by Pluto and took the picture below.

Photo-Shopped Picture Of An Egg NASA Claims Is Pluto

Photo-Shopped Picture Of An Egg NASA Claims To Be “Pluto”

Creationism has finally found the last nail to drive into the casket of the stupid bologna known as science.  The above picture is so OBVIOUSLY fake, it is almost laughable.  It is very clearly a photo-shopped, and badly photo-shopped at that, picture of an egg that the ding-bats at NASA want us to believe is Pluto.   Do they REALLY expect normal, intelligent Christians to believe a “spacecraft” flew through space for nine years to take this picture?  How bloody stupid do they think we are?  Not even God could create a ship that could do that.  It is just ignorant and rude to think otherwise.

As final proof the pictures NASA is releasing are fake, I present the following photograph of the REAL Pluto.

The Real Pluto

The Real Pluto

Oopszilla, NASA!  You’ve been caught with your lying pants down this time.  EVERYONE knows the REAL Pluto is Mickey Mouse’s dog and lives with him in Disney Land, not a planetoid floating around in space billions of miles away.  The evidence I’ve presented here is irrefutable proof that science is a lie and full of poo-poo.  If you think otherwise, well….well, you’re a stupid, unimaginative atheist.  ‘Nuff said.”