Gasland, Oklahoma.  Fabrication specialist, Lori L. Abia stopped by TACP offices today with some awesome quotes from some famous people that they never said. We present them for your reading pleasure below.

1.) Yoda: Well done this burger is! Order it this way, I did not. Another make me, or leave I will, and pay, I will not.

Like His Burger, He Did Not

2.) Einstein: So then I says to ‘er, “Listen baby, time is NOT relative when you’re going on a date. If I say I’m pickin’ you up at 7, I mean be ready at 7, not 7:45.” Bitch had my ass sittin’ in the car waitin’ on ‘er for 45 minutes; then she pulls this “time is relative shit” with me. This homeboy don’t play like that! Last time she’ll ever be seenin’ my wrinkled old white ass! And there ain’t nuttin’ relative ’bout that!

Dating Was Serious Business To Albert Einstein

3.) John Wayne: Stay away from acting as a living, kid. All that horseback ridin’ I did in my movies gave me hemorrhoids the size of golf balls.

Acting For A Living Was A Pain In John Wayne’s Ass

4.) Lassie: Woof! Woof! Grrrr! Pant, pant, pant. Woof! Meow!

Meow?

5.) Batman: Robin! Did you rub Ben Gay into the codpiece of my costume again? This is NOT funny! Grow up, or find another 40-year-old man who wants to run around with a 13-year-old boy dressed in tights fighting crime all night.

Ben Gay In Batman’s Codpiece Really Burns Him Up