A Solution Or Another Modest Proposal

modest-proposal2

Orlando, Florida.   Once again, in America, an armed gunman has killed innocent people for whatever insane reason he felt he had to.  50 people were killed in Orlando last night.  50 human beings who were alive at this time yesterday morning are now dead due to the actions of one armed lunatic.  The reason why this happened, and/or why he did it, is not the purpose of this post.  Instead, I wish to address a partial, if not total, solution to this horrid problem in our society: Guns.  No, it’s not what you’re thinking.  I’m not going to rant about the dangers and evils of guns.  I’m going to do something unexpected here and say, that in total honesty, I agree with Donald Trump’s position on an armed populace.  (Check out this CNN piece on Trump and the shootings in Paris last November to see what I’m talking about:http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/14/politics/paris-terror-attacks-donald-trump-guns/)

If every citizen in that nightclub last night were armed, this tragedy would have been greatly reduced, if not completely prevented.  Let’s envision it, shall we.  A man comes into a nightclub, takes out an automated weapon and starts to shoot.  Several people are hit, BUT, then, EVERY person in the club pulls out a weapon and fires at the gunman!  BANG! BANG, mother fucker! You’re dead.  A few people may be killed or hurt at first, but clearly it would not be 50.  AND, if every person in America were armed, and EVERY nut-job who’s planning some crazed killing spree were aware of it, maybe, just maybe, they’d have second thoughts about going through with it.

Therefor, I’m modestly proposing that Trump’s first act as Commander and Chief be to pass a law making it mandatory for every man, woman and child in America to carry a loaded gun.   This is not a crazed, ridiculous statement I’m making.  It’s the quickest, easiest solution to acts of terrorism on American soil.  Here’s what this law will say.  Every child born in America will be given a loaded weapon upon leaving the hospital with their mothers, and, beginning in kindergarten, each child will be trained to use that gun as if it were a part of their very being.  They’ll be taught to shoot first and ask questions later if they spot armed terrorists or armed crazy people in crowded, public places.   In addition, every adult born before this law becomes active will now be required to carry an armed weapon at all times.   To be caught without one will result in severe financial penalties as well as up to 6 months in prison.   This law will make crazy people, religious extremists, whacked-out bigots, and all others wishing to harm others with loaded weapons go to another country to carry out their hateful acts.  America will be safe once more, and, more importantly, it will be truly free for the first time in its history.

In conclusion, please remember what Jesus said to Peter during the Last Supper: “Peter, I’m gonna say this once to you, and only once.  An armed populace is a safe populace.  Now, hand me the lamb, I’m starved.”

Recipes From The Atheist Cookbook

I’ve written a cookbook for atheists because I decided we godless, cannibal bastards needed one. To help promote it, I’ve decided to share a few recipes from it. Try ’em. They are guaranteed DELICIOUS!

1.) Christian Infant Tartare: Just catch yourself one fresh Christian infant; flay it; soak it overnight in olive oil and garlic; carve off a nice chunk of arm or breast meat; chop into fine bits; salt lightly, and wa la! Christian infant tartare is yours to enjoy! Oh. One thing: Make sure you cut off all the skin BEFORE you salt the meat. For some reason, salt makes the skin bubble, and, if that happens, you may lose your appetite and toss out a meal you’d surely otherwise have enjoyed.

Evangelical Christian Baby Tartare. Remember: Trim Away ALL The  Baby Fat

Christian Infant Tartare. Remember: Trim Away ALL The Skin Before Salting

2.) Muslim Meatballs: Catch and chop up a Muslim or two; cut off a chunk or two of thigh; grind into a fine meat paste; add garlic, salt, parsley powder, a touch of oregano, and round into balls; cook in olive oil at 350 degrees for an hour; toss into your favorite pasta sauce and boil for another hour, and your meatballs are ready to serve. I’ve found that Al Qaeda meat tastes best, though I’m not sure why.

Muslim Meatballs. 2nd From Bottom Was An Al Qaeda Member

Muslim Meatballs. Second From The Bottom Is From An Al Qaeda Member

3.) Mormon Jello: This one’s easy. Catch a Mormon and slice him into thin pieces of meat; fry them in a pan with, you guessed it, garlic and olive oil; mix up a batch of clear Jello; place the cooked meat into the Jello mix; stir; refrigerate til set, and serve.

Jewish Jello:

The Red Mormon Meat Shows Nicely Through The Clear Jello

4.) Lutheran Frosted Lemon Cake: You’ll need the skin from a Lutheran or two for this. Catch the Lutherans; flay them; mash the skin into a syrupy paste after first washing it clean of blood; add sugar, and refrigerate over night; bake your favorite lemon cake; frost with the Lutheran skin paste and serve. FYI, this is a great dessert to serve after a hearty meal of Christian baby tartare. Yummy.

 Lemon Cake With Frosting Made From The Skin Of Lutherans

Lemon Cake With Frosting Made From The Skin Of Lutherans

5.) Catholic Priest Pedophile Rapist Stew: This is my favorite dish as savoring the flesh of pedophile rapist Catholic priests never fails to lift my spirits high. Get a hold of a pedophile rapist Catholic priest, preferably one who’s been at it awhile and recently caught; slowly flay him alive; very slowly boil his still alert carcass in a vat of olive oil mixed with salt, vinegar, and garlic. The breast meat will fall off in chunks when fully boiled. Cut it into bite size pieces; stir into a pot of vegetable stew; simmer for 45 minutes and serve. Lip smacking good stuff!

A Catholic Priest Pedophile I Ate Last Night

I Finely Chopped This Pedophile Rapist Into A Stew Last Night

Bon appetit, my fellow godless, morally deprived, evil, atheist cannibals!

 

A Modest Proposal to The Abortion Problem

Make abortion illegal but the eating of infants legal. What do pro-lifers love most? Fetuses. What could they care less about? Infants. Thus, by making abortion illegal, we make pro-lifers happy, and by making the consumption of  infants legal, we make barbaric atheist infant eaters like me happy too. Pregnant but don’t want a baby? No need to worry. Just pop the little tart out, get it, “pop tart”, then simply give it to an atheist near you so he or she can make a sandwich out of it.

Pro-lifers Love These,

Problem Solved: Since Pro-lifers Love These,

But Can Care Less About These.

But Could Care Less About These, Make Abortion Illegal,

And Atheists Love These, So My Solution Is Perfect, Eh.

And The Eating Of Infants Legal.

Awesome solution to a big problem, don’t ya think? And I don’t yet have a Nobel Prize, why?