1.) Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Republicans don’t do menial labor. They hire undocumented workers to do it for five cents an hour.
2.) Q: What’s the hardest thing most Republicans will ever have to do?
A: Wait til their 18th birthday to gain access to their trust fund.
3.) Q: How do Republicans acquire land?
A: They wait for their relatives to die.
4.) Q: What’s the name of the first bank Republicans borrow money from without having to pay it back?
A: Mommy and Daddy’s Loans Unlimited
5.) Q: Besides a cornea operation without anesthesia, name three things Republicans hate most.
A: The poor, the disabled, and the social programs that help keep them alive.
That’s So Funny I Forgot To Laugh
Our resident Fundamentalist Christian comic, Frankie Analtight, dropped by the Pontificator office today with some new jokes he’s been working on for his act. Here are a few of them for your perusal.
1.) How many Christians does it take to turn on a light? None. Only Jesus can turn on light.
2.) Why are some people very poor? Because they are lazy.
3.) How many doctors does it take to heal a broken leg? None. Only prayer can heal a broken limb.
4.) Why did Judas betray Jesus? Because he was a bad man.
5.) Why are there people in the world who are not Christians? Because they’re using their freewill to deny reality.
6.) Why are atheists so evil? Because they are the children of Satan.
7.) Why are some people disabled? Because they were bad and God’s punishing them for it.
8.) Why did the Jews kill Christ? See the answer to number 6.
9.) What did Jesus say to the gay couple when he saw them kiss? I hate you.
10.) Why is President Obama such a horrible person? Because he is a devout Muslim and an atheist.