Rudolph To Play A Sith Lord In Star Wars 7

J.J. Abrams announced today that Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer has been cast in the next “Star Wars” movie as a Sith Lord called, Darth Nose.

Rudolph As Darth Nose, Dark Lord Of The Sith

Rudolph As Darth Nose, Dark Lord Of The Sith

“It’s gonna be great when Darth Nose fights the older, wiser Luke Skywalker,” said Abrams. “Luke will be physically over matched by the Sith Lord, but will use his great wit, like a self-awarded Nobel Prize winner ripping on conspiracy theorists, to mock the Dark Lord into submission. Luke will repeatedly make fun of Darth Nose’s name, saying things like, ‘If you have a question, ask Darth. He NOSE everything,’ and ‘Who NOSE what evil lurks in hearts of men? Darth NOSE!’ It’ll be hilarious and poignant at the same time. I’m ecstatic, also, that we got Rudolph to play the part because, not only will it save us over a million dollars not having to put a CGI nose on a regular reindeer, Rudolph is one of the finest actors working today. I saw his Hamlet last year, and it was so brilliant I literally wept, openly, freely and often.  Now, if  I can just get Santa to play a Jedi Master, I’ll have my whole cast set. Santa was in a version of ‘King Lear’ recently, and I simply do not have enough superlatives to describe his performance. In my honest opinion, no one will be able to play Lear again after that. It was truly THAT amazing. So cross your fingers for me, cause I’m meeting with him tomorrow about the movie. I’ll certainly let everyone know what comes of it. Until then, May the Force Be With You.”

Guest Critic, Yoda, Gives His Thoughts On Thor: The Dark World

Jedi Master And Film Critic, Yoda

Jedi Master And Film Critic, Yoda

Yoda stopped by the office today after seeing the new “Thor” movie and had these things to say about it.

1. Powerful hero is Thor. Powerful hero.

2. A large Hammer, Thor has. A great weapon it is too, when thrown by him.

3. Evil brother, Loki, Thor has. The Dark Side I see in him.

4. Clouded my judgement on the movie becomes now. Talking the people behind me were. Rude that is. Selfish. Not the way of the Jedi.  Talking during movies leads to anger.  Anger leads to pain.  Pain leads to suffering.  A path to the Dark Side this is.

5. Avoid these things at all costs, a Jedi must. Leave the movie early I did. Go back I will on a weekday morning when fewer people there will be. Review the movie then, I will.

6. Adventure. Excitement. A Jedi craves not these things. But you do. So glad I am movies like this are made. Distractions from the Dark Side, they are. Talk again soon we will.  May the Force Be With You. Always.