Bernie Sanders Loses Iowa Caucuses, Admits His Hair Is Sentient Being

Bernie Sanders And His Sentient Hair

Bernie Sanders Says, “My Hair Is A Sentient Being.”

Barbershop City, Iowa.   After losing the Iowa Caucuses to Hilary Clinton in a tight race, Bernie Sanders admitted his hair is a sentient being.  “Yeah,” Senator Sanders said just moments ago, “my hair is actually a sentient being separate from me.  It sort of just took roost on my head when I was about 16, and has been with me ever since.  Next to my wife, it’s my best friend.   We have great conversations, are identical on political issues, and like the same movies.  The only down side is that we take separate vacations every year, and, when my hair’s gone, usually visiting its relatives in Singapore, I’m stuck wearing a lot of hats or explaining why I suddenly decided to shave my head.   Any-who, I’ve got a campaign fundraiser in Chicago to get to, so my hair and I will see you later.”