Ask An Infant

Dear Infant, my name is Naked Johnny, and I’ve got a perplexing problem.  I sincerely hope you can help me with it.  I live in an area where there are blacks, Hispanics, gays, strong women, and socialists.  I want to kill them all with my big, Christian guns because that is, as you MUST know, exactly what Jesus wants. Should I do this, or will I face legal issues I won’t be able to defend?
Thanks, Naked Johnny

 

Well, thanks for the question, Naked Johnny. Before I can answer it, however, I must tell you about the feeding problem I just had. I was feeding happily on my mother’s left breast when she abruptly pulled me away and cried, “Enough! My nipple is sore. You’ll have to wait awhile before you can suckle again!” Well, I, being an infant, began to wail like a, you guessed it, a baby, and grabbed repeatedly for her other breast. She eventually caved in and fed me the nectar from her other breast. Thank Jeebus crying worked. Now, for your issue.  Piss off, ya’ big baby!  You’re nothing more than a whining redneck.  Stop being such a hyper sensitive snowflake and learn to play nice with others.  OK?
Hope this helps. Love always, An Infant.