After the shooting by a white male in Las Vegas yesterday which left 50 people dead and another 200 injured, I can only say this: white men need to be banned from ‘Merica. Permanently. We need to begin with the immediate deportation of all white males as soon as possible. They clearly are the scourge of the earth and have no place in a country built on Jesus Christ, love, freedom, and guns like ‘Merica is. Also, we need to place a travel ban on all the “white” countries of the world, Sweden, Switzerland, and Norway come immediately to mind. As well, walls need to be built around all white neighborhoods in ‘Merica to keep those white males we can’t deport quickly enough from invading decent, law-abiding neighborhoods and killing everyone in them. White men are evil. Pure and simple, and this latest act by a depraved white male in Las Vegas proves it. Case closed. The right type of ban is the white type of ban. $Amen$
Bloodbath City, Idaho. Celebrate the Second Amendment and Freedom with the NRA this Fourth of July as they give out free guns to every American over the age of 5. “We at da NRA are proud ta be ‘Mericans,” said NRA spokesman, Shot’em Inda ‘Ead this morning. “So proud, in fact, dat we’ll be givin’ out guns ta everyone over 5 years ‘o age dis Fourth ‘o July at Christian churches all ‘cross ‘Merica! Der ain’t no better way ta be free dan fer everyone over 5 ta be armed wit guns. No better way ta keep our womenz from bein’ raped ‘n beaten by Obama dan ta be armed! Armed iz free! Free iz armed! ‘N only glorified sissies ‘n terrorists tink odderwize. So, dat’s dat. Go ta yer friggin’ neighborhood Christian church on da Fourth, git yer free gun, ‘n kill a terrorist in celebration ov God, da Second Amendment, ‘n, most ‘portantly, FREEDOM!!! Amen.”
Orlando, Florida. Once again, in America, an armed gunman has killed innocent people for whatever insane reason he felt he had to. 50 people were killed in Orlando last night. 50 human beings who were alive at this time yesterday morning are now dead due to the actions of one armed lunatic. The reason why this happened, and/or why he did it, is not the purpose of this post. Instead, I wish to address a partial, if not total, solution to this horrid problem in our society: Guns. No, it’s not what you’re thinking. I’m not going to rant about the dangers and evils of guns. I’m going to do something unexpected here and say, that in total honesty, I agree with Donald Trump’s position on an armed populace. (Check out this CNN piece on Trump and the shootings in Paris last November to see what I’m talking about:http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/14/politics/paris-terror-attacks-donald-trump-guns/)
If every citizen in that nightclub last night were armed, this tragedy would have been greatly reduced, if not completely prevented. Let’s envision it, shall we. A man comes into a nightclub, takes out an automated weapon and starts to shoot. Several people are hit, BUT, then, EVERY person in the club pulls out a weapon and fires at the gunman! BANG! BANG, mother fucker! You’re dead. A few people may be killed or hurt at first, but clearly it would not be 50. AND, if every person in America were armed, and EVERY nut-job who’s planning some crazed killing spree were aware of it, maybe, just maybe, they’d have second thoughts about going through with it.
Therefor, I’m modestly proposing that Trump’s first act as Commander and Chief be to pass a law making it mandatory for every man, woman and child in America to carry a loaded gun. This is not a crazed, ridiculous statement I’m making. It’s the quickest, easiest solution to acts of terrorism on American soil. Here’s what this law will say. Every child born in America will be given a loaded weapon upon leaving the hospital with their mothers, and, beginning in kindergarten, each child will be trained to use that gun as if it were a part of their very being. They’ll be taught to shoot first and ask questions later if they spot armed terrorists or armed crazy people in crowded, public places. In addition, every adult born before this law becomes active will now be required to carry an armed weapon at all times. To be caught without one will result in severe financial penalties as well as up to 6 months in prison. This law will make crazy people, religious extremists, whacked-out bigots, and all others wishing to harm others with loaded weapons go to another country to carry out their hateful acts. America will be safe once more, and, more importantly, it will be truly free for the first time in its history.
In conclusion, please remember what Jesus said to Peter during the Last Supper: “Peter, I’m gonna say this once to you, and only once. An armed populace is a safe populace. Now, hand me the lamb, I’m starved.”
LaRifle Town, Texas. Executive Vice President of the NRA, Wayne LaPierre, said today he loves guns SO much he often carries up to 40 of them at a time in the gaping hole he calls his mouth. “I need never worry about black teens in hoodies, or black Presidents in business suits,” LaPierre said earlier, “because I can, and almost always do, carry upwards of 40 guns in my mouth whenever I leave my home. If a brown or black-skinned som’bitch fucks with me, I’ll spit out a gun or 4 and blast their dark asses back to the stone age. I’m NOT a man to be fucked with. So don’t fuck with me or my big-ass gun-toting mouth, ya’hear?”