George Washington Quote Of The Day

“I dream of a day when American Presidents can simply make shit up, blabber it out, and have millions of devout followers believe all they say. It is for this reason the Revolutionary War was fought. It is for this reason I find this miserable life, where hot showers do not yet exist, livable. And it is for this reason Martha thinks I’m bat-shit crazy and will no longer sleep with me.” From George Washington’s inaugural address. 1789

 

 

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Famous Marriage Proposals From History

Here are some famous marriage proposals from history that are as absolutely true now as they were the minute I made ’em up.

1.)  The Holy Spirit to Mary

"Mary, I know you're only 12 and a virgin, but I was sent here by myself in the guise of a dove to impregnate you with myself so that I can be born as my own son and then be tortured to death so that I can forgive humanity for Adam and Eve eating an apple. Hope this all doesn't freak you out cause it's happening whether you want it to or not. OK?"

“Mary, I know you’re only 12 and a virgin, but I was sent here by myself in the guise of a dove to marry you and impregnate you with myself so that I can be born as my own son and then be tortured to death so that I can forgive humanity for Adam and Eve eating an apple. Hope this all doesn’t freak you out cause it’s happening whether you want it to or not. OK?”

 

2.) George Washington to Martha

"Martha, you're an absolute, super hot, bitchin' babe. Will you marry me so we can make the beast with two backs on a regular, nightly basis?"

“Martha, you’re an absolute, super hot, bitchin’ babe. Will you marry me so we can make the beast with two backs on a regular, nightly basis?”

 

3.) King Kong to Fay Wray

"Fay, I know there will be...well...difficulties in regards to our...physical relationship, BUT, in spite of that, will you marry me?"

“Fay, I know there will be…well…difficulties in regards to our…physical relationship, BUT, in spite of that, will you marry me?”

 

4.) Anne Boleyn to Henry the Eighth

"Henry, please, do WHATEVER you have to do to divorce Catherine of Aragon and marry me. It will be GREAT for you, and, I just KNOW, deep down inside, that it will be the best, greatest thing that could ever, ever happen to me. I just KNOW my future with you will be safe, comfy, and secure."

“Henry, please, do WHATEVER you have to do to divorce Catherine of Aragon and marry me. It will be GREAT for you, and, I just KNOW, deep down inside, that it will be the best, greatest thing that could ever, ever happen to me. I just KNOW my future with you will be safe, comfy, and secure once we’re wed.”