Famous Dick Pics

Here are a few pictures of famous Dicks.  Some of these Dicks are also assholes.  I’ll leave it to the reader to decide which of them this applies to.

1.)

Dick Cheney was U.S. Vice President from 2001 to 2009. His great Aunt Bertha once said of him, "Our little Dick is one helluva a little shit. That would shoot his own hunter partner given the opportunity. Thank Jesus he'll never become Vice President of the U.S. under the Presidency of a half-brained twit of a President. Lord only knows what kinda shit-storm he'd help create in the Middle East if he did."

Dick Cheney was U.S. Vice President from 2001 to 2009. In 1950, his great Aunt Bertha said of him, “Our little Dick is one helluva a little shit. He’d shoot his own hunting partner given the opportunity. Thank goodness he’ll never become Vice President under the leadership of a half-brained twit of a President. Lord only knows what kinda shit-storm he’d create should that ever happen.”

 

2.)

Actor Dick Van Patten, 1928-2015, was best known for his portrayal of the father on the 70's TV show, "Eight Is Enough." He was beloved by his fellow cast members on that show and known as a guy who never dicked around and always knew all of his lines.

Actor Dick Van Patten, 1928-2015, was best known for his portrayal of the father on the 70’s TV show, “Eight Is Enough.” He was beloved by his fellow cast members on that show. Co-star Adam Rich once said of him, “He never dicked around on set, and he always knew all of his lines.  He also bought me lots of ice cream and candy. I liked that, though it rotted my teeth, and the subsequent dental work really sucked.”

 

3.)

Richard The Third of England, 1452-1485, was known by his childhood friend, Charles Pumpernickle The First, as a "Real dick who often took candy from babies." Shakespeare immortalized Richard in his famous play about him, "Dat Dude Named Dick Da Third Who Killed Doze Folks". Great play for those of you who've not read it.

King Richard The Third of England, 1452-1485, was known by his childhood friend, Charles Pumpernickel The First, as a “Real dick who often took milk from babies.” Shakespeare immortalized Richard in his famous play, “A Dude Named Dick Who Killed Lots ‘O Folks”.  It’s a great play for those of you who’ve not read it.

 

4.)

90 year old TV icon Dick Van Dyke is so beloved by the fans of his 1960's television show, "The Dick Van Dyke Show", that thousands of them send him Christmas cards every year which read, "Merry Christmas, Dick. We friggin' love you!"

90-year-old TV icon Dick Van Dyke is so beloved by fans of his 1960’s television show, “The Dick Van Dyke Show”, that thousands of them send him Christmas cards every year which read, “Merry Christmas, Dick. We friggin’ love ya’!”

 

5.)

Richard Nixon was President of the U.S. from 1969 to 1974. His White House man-servant, Jeeves Smithers, said of him after he resigned as President, "That f*ckin' Dick went and reigned without paying me the remainder of my 70,000 dollar a year salary. If I ever see that squint-eyed bastard again, I'm gonna beat 'em senseless."

Richard Nixon was President of the U.S. from 1969 to 1974. His White House man-servant, Jeeves Smithers, said of him, after he resigned the Presidency, “That f*ckin’ dick went and resigned without paying me the remainder of the 70,000 dollar a year salary he owes me. If I ever see that squint-eyed bastard again, I’m gonna beat ’em senseless.”

Things Pumpkins Would Say

You know why I'm smiling? I'm smiling because some sadistic bastard cut open the top of my head, gored out my innards, and CARVED this big-ass grin into my face! I may look happy, but believe me, I sure ain't. I'm in AGONY!

You know why I’m smiling? I’m smiling because some sadistic bastard cut open the top of my head, gored out my innards, and CARVED this big-ass grin into my face! I may look happy, but believe me, I sure ain’t. I’m in AGONY!

 

I was a perfectly happy pumpkin living my life in a pumpkin patch until some asshole took me home and carved me into this replica of Dick Cheney. I've now got to live the remainder of my days looking like this vile prick. I fuckin' HATE Halloween. Really, I do.

I was a perfectly happy pumpkin living my life in a pumpkin patch until some asshole took me home and carved me into this replica of Dick Cheney. I’ve now got to live the remainder of my days looking like this vile prick. I fuckin’ HATE Halloween. Really, I do.

Coming Soon, PontificatorFlix

 Stream The Brilliance Of TACP Movies Striaght To Your TV With PontificatorFlix

Stream The Brilliance Of TACP Straight To Your TV With PontificatorFlix

Here are a few original shows now in production for our new video streaming service, PontificatorFlix. It will be available starting this June for a small monthly fee of two Christian infants and a donkey not weighing less than 100 pounds. Sign up now, and receive a free set of Republican-Thumpin’ brass knuckles designed to knock even the densest Republican brain into oblivion.

1.) Another Brokeback Mountain: A 13 part mini-series that stars Creationist, Ken Ham and Christian apologist, William Lane Craig as two self-aggrandizing Christian bigots who “cute meet” at a God hates fags rally in Texas and, ironically, fall head over heels in love with each other. Watch the hilarity as Ken and William have heated discussions on who’s gonna pitch, who’s gonna catch, and what type of lube is best to avoid anal chaffing. This one’s gonna be fun for the whole family, folks!

Ken Ham & William Lane Craig Share Their First Kiss In: Another Brokeback Mountain

Ken Ham & William Lane Craig Share Their First Kiss In: Another Brokeback Mountain

2.) The Walking Fred: Freddie Mercury returns from the grave and walks the earth looking for other undead musicians in order to create a new band called, The Risen Queen.  Enjoy great music and shocking, gore-filled special effects in this soon to be classic horror show produced exclusively for PontificatorFlix.

Freddie Mercury Returns From The Dead In: The Walking Fred

Freddie Mercury Returns From The Dead In: The Walking Fred

3.) Dick Cheney & The Terrible, No Good, Very Rotten, Bad Day: Former U.S. Vice-President and rat-bastard extraordinaire, Dick Cheney, awakes one day to discover he’s been transformed into a 30-year-old, female, Asian prostitute enslaved to a sadistic Iraqi army general named, Eval Mean Dude. Watch in joyful glee as the former V.P. embarks on a life of sexual slavery in a country he once bombed into oblivion while looking for weapons of mass destruction that never existed. This one is rated TVMA for its graphic, and repeated, use of the phrase: “Republican mother fucker, take that!”

Dick Cheney In: Dick Cheney & The Terrible, Awful, Really, Really Bad Day

Dick Cheney In: Dick Cheney & The Terrible, No Good, Very Rotten, Bad Day

That’s all for now, but check back soon for more info on more shows coming soon to PontificatorFlix.

 

“Torturing People Is The Bomb,” Says Dick Cheney

Cloud City, Bespin.  In frank and honest news this morning, former U.S. Vice President, Richard “Dick” Cheney announced that he personally tortured dozens of Muslims held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba because it was fun.

Dick Cheney Illustrates Torture By Two-Fingered Choking

Dick Cheney Illustrates Torture By Two-Fingered Choking

“Your goddamn right it was fun,” Cheney said today. “I got a stiffy every time I made another human being scream in pain and beg me for mercy. And why shouldn’t I have, goddamnit! Do you not remember 9/11? Americans were attacked that day. We hurt. We bled. We lost loved ones and cried. Well, what’s wrong with us getting revenge by torturing the living shit outta some of those who may or may not have known someone who may or may not have been somehow, perhaps, involved in the 9/11 attacks? They were fuckin’ Muslims for Christ’s sake! Who the fuck cares if we tortured ’em? Certainly not the CIA agents who also got stiffies from making other humans scream and beg for mercy. Fuck, they loved doing it as much as I did. Man, you haven’t lived until you’ve stuck a tube up some dark-skinned Muslim’s ass to “feed” him. Ha, ha, ha! Oh, man, if I shut my eyes, I can hear the screaming as if it were happening right now. Funny as fuck, I tell ya. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I crack myself up.

Republicans Waterboard A Democrat

Republicans Waterboard A Democrat

If you promise not to tell anyone, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I love torturing people so much, I’ve been helping a few conservative Republicans I know torture liberal, pansy-ass Democrats for years now. It isn’t exactly legal, not yet anyway, but it soon will be. You see, my home boys have total control of the House, the Senate, and the Supreme Court, and in 2016, we’ll have control of the White House, too. I can guaran-fuckin’-tee you of that. Cause the liberals are too weak to stop us, and even if they weren’t, we’d just keep torturing ’em until they were. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Christ Almighty, do I ever crack my shit up!”

Upcoming Movies For 2015

coming-in-2015We here at TACP have recently gotten into the movie producing business. We have several films in various stages of production that we plan on releasing in 2015. A few of them are listed and described below.

Barack Obama And The Temple of Doom: Plot: President Obama and his band of Howling Commandos invade the Tea Party’s Temple of Doom, AKA, the state of Texas, in search of the long-lost “Holy Grail Of Socialized Medicine.” If Barack and his boys recover the Grail before the Conservative Tea Party members can melt it down into buck shot, every American citizen will have equal access to quality health care; if not, things remain as they are, unfair, unequal, and shitty for the poor and unemployed. Staring President Obama and Governor Rick Perry as themselves. Directed by Stephen Spielberg.

President Obama In His Iconic Fedora

President Obama In His Iconic Fedora

The Odd Couple Redux: Plot: Old college buddies, Jesus, the Son of God and Richard Dawkins are kicked out of their homes by their respective spouses and are forced to live together in a two bedroom apartment in Manhattan in order to make ends meet. Hilarious adventures ensue as Jesus, a very anal retentive neat freak, tries to put up with atheist Dawkins’ sloppy lifestyle and blasphemous rants. It all comes to a riotous climax when Jesus discovers Dawkins in bed with his (Jesus’) ex-wife, Mary Magdalene. Staring Jesus Christ and Richard Dawkins as themselves and Miley Cyrus as Mary Magdalene. Directed by me, TACP.

A 21st Century Odd Couple

A 21st Century Odd Couple

Marvel’s Avengers: Age Of Cheney: Plot: The Avengers must fight their deadliest foe yet when former VP Dick Cheney reveals himself to be the villainous Doctor Doom and declares himself the sole ruler of the United States. Will even the combined might of Thor, Iron Man, The Hulk, and Captain America be enough to stop Cheney before he wipes the last liberal democrat in America from the face of the Earth? Staring Dick Cheney as Doctor Doom and The Avengers as themselves. Directed by Joss Whedon.

Dick Cheney Is The Evil Doctor Doom

Dick Cheney Is The Evil Doctor Doom

Pedophile Priests V Predator: Plot: The Vatican sends 8 pedophile rapist priests into space in order to protect them from legal prosecution for their crimes. The rapists’ joy at avoiding prosecution quickly dims, however, when they find their ship has landed on the home world of the Predator. It is now they who become the prey of a far older and more cunning predator than any of them ever dreamed of being during their days as child rapists. Staring: Pope Emeritus Benedict as “The Pope,” and The Predator as himself. Directed by Francis Ford Coppola.

Pedophile Priests Are Now On This Guy's Kill List

Pedophile Priests Are Definitely On This Guy’s Kill List

Fini, for now.