Because I Had Bone Spurs….

“I Wasn’t Able To Catch And Eat Tweety Bird.”   Sylvester the Cat, April 15th, 2011

 

“I Was Unable To Stand And Run When John Wilkes Booth Started Shooting At Me, So I Was Killed.”   April 15th, 1865

 

“I Had To Stay In My Car While Shooting Quail So I Wasn’t Able To Kill As Many Had I Been Able To Stand Up And Shoot Them.”  Little Old Lady, August 5th, 1999

 

“I Was Unable To Shoot And Kill Bugs Bunny Cause The Pain In My Foot, From My Bone Spurs, Caused Me To Cry Out When I Was Sneaking Up On Him.”  Elmer Fudd, December 3rd, 2001

 

“I Was Unable To Win The 100 Yard Dash At My High School Track Meet.”  Baby Girl, June 12th, 2014

 

“I Had To Defer My Enlistment In The U.S. Army 5 Times Even Though I’m The Toughest, Badly-est, Bigly-est Tough Guy To Have Ever, Ever Lived. No, Really, I Am. Really. I’m Manly, And I’m Tough.”  President Donald Trump, February 22nd, 2018

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Republican Baby Talk

Our resident reporter on all things Republican, Dr. Duncan “Tiny” Dicky, stopped by our offices today with some spiffy keen pics he’d taken of various Republican infants. We present them below for your viewing and reading pleasure. We also think you’ll be amused to see that Republicans do not grow up to become douche-bags, they’re born that way.

1.)

I'm A Christian. So I'm Only Doing This Cause I Need To Eat. I'm Not Even Remotely Enjoying It.

I’m A Christian. So I’m Only Doing This Cause I Need To Eat. I’m Not Even Remotely Enjoying It.

2.)

Wow, Mom, This Blood Of The Poor & Needy Soup You Cooked Up Is DELICIOUS!

Wow, Mom, This Blood Of The Poor & Needy Soup You Cooked Up Is DELICIOUS!

3.)

These Special Glasses Shield My Eyes From The Reality Of Things Like Global Warming & Poverty.

These Special Glasses Shield My Eyes From The Reality Of Things Like Global Warming & Poverty.

4.)

I Saw Two Women Walking Down The Street Holding Hands Saying They Wanted To Get Married! That's Not What Jesus Wants!

I Saw Two Women Walking Down The Street Holding Hands Saying They Wanted To Get Married! That’s NOT What Jesus Wants!

5.)

So, Like, This Black Dude In A Hoodie Bumps Into My Dad, And My Dad, Like, Stood His Ground And Blew The Fucker's Head Off.

So, Like, This Black Dude In A Hoodie Bumps Into My Dad, And My Dad, Like, Stood His Ground And Blew The Fucker’s Head Off.

6.)

Let's See, If We Drastically Cut SSDI & Medicare, We Can Easily Afford To Give Corporations Making Over 2 Billion A Quarter Huge Tax Breaks.

Hmm. Let’s See, If We Drastically Cut SSDI & Medicare, We Can Easily Afford To Give Corporations Making Over 2 Billion A Quarter Huge Tax Breaks.

7.)

The Pediatrician Was A Mexican, AND She TOUCHED Me!

The Pediatrician Was A Mexican, AND She TOUCHED Me!

8.)

So, You're Telling Me The 15 Undocumented Hispanic Workers My Folks Have Tending The Mansion Should Make MORE Than 6 Dollars A Day?

So, You’re Telling Me The 15 Undocumented Hispanic Workers My Folks Have Tending The Mansion Should Make MORE Than 6 Dollars A Day?